Deflated

I was really buzzing on Friday. I really did allow myself to have hope. We went away for the weekend with friends that evening and I was a good girl and stayed sober amongst the drunkards. Saturday morning I woke up early and did two tests. They were both clearly negative. It was really disappointing but as we were with friends and celebrating a birthday we were forced to put on a brave face. We decided to give it another day and test again on Sunday morning. It was another negative. That's the last time I use a Clear Blue test! It really gave us false hope. We were home by early afternoon on Sunday and we both quickly slipped into a funk. The rollercoaster of the last two weeks has been so tiring and draining. We were both very low again yesterday and struggling to smile today. We had quite a few people to inform of the outcome, and although that's been hard to do we have had some really lovely supportive messages. We are really lucky to have such great people around us. We have an appointment to meet with a consultant at the clinic for a de-brief next week. Disappointingly it's with a consultant that we haven't been that happy with in the past. She hasn't treated me personally and she doesn't seem well informed of my case so when we see her it feels like box ticking. We have questions that we want clear answers to so that we can decide what to do next. One positive thing is that we are aware of a charity that has funding for medical treatment which my husband can access through an organisation that he is part of, and so we are starting to apply for funding to cover another round of IVF. The thought of going through this all again at the moment is tough. I've stopped taking the hormones which have been supporting my womb lining so I'm waiting for my period to start properly. So far it's just been heavy spotting. During the night last night I had another bout of severe cramping. I'm so ready for this cyle to be completely finished now.