10 months old

Ten months old. 21.8 lbs and 29.5 inches. N has four teeth now and we're trying to brush them but she's not keen and wants to just hold the brush herself and chew and suck on it. I figure at least the fluoride is getting in there! Her movements are getting faster and more precise and she is chasing the cats. They seem to be taking to her but very wisely are always ready to flee. N is giving double high fives and waving goodbye. She is giving cuddles which is wonderful and big wet open mouth kisses. She's generally very affectionate. She has the cutest curls behind her ears. She has always liked to cross her ankles and this cute habit seems to be sticking. She is strong willed and determined. I think she's going to prove to be a handful! I've been feeling pretty emotional this month. D has gone back to work marking the end of the summer and so it feels like the countdown has begun before I have to go back to work too. I'm feeling anxious about being away from N, missing the little new things she does each day, the change in our routine and managing her weaning so that feeding isn't an issue. I'm also emotional about her developing so quickly. Some days I see her progressing so fast and it's overwhelming. On top of all that, I've been feeling really broody. More broody than I've ever felt in fact. I guess it's seeing N growing so fast and wanting to capture some of the early times again. Nature's way no doubt! However, in the middle of a disrupted night's sleep I feel differently! And it's still really disrupted on a regular basis. N's routine still hasn't really settled since we got back from our holiday. And she seems to be needing to be breastfed back to sleep even more than ever. I don't know how we'll ever break that habit! She had a bad cold a little while ago and I was really struggling with the disrupted sleep. Someone recommended a humidifier and so we bought one in readiness for the next cold and now she has another one already! So fingers crossed it helps! Despite being broody, I don't feel the need to be touched! Having a baby so reliant on my body certainly makes me crave periods of being left alone instead! And I'm really feeling the need for 'me' time lately for the first time since having N. I feel like I'm losing my sense of self and find it hard to be heard in the company of people who are so addicted to N. D mentioned that he feels that our relationship has changed. He says not in a good or a bad way, just that it's different as we have less time for each other. He mentioned that he missed back rubs and stuff. It made me feel bad that I'm neglecting him but I don't feel like I have much left to give to anyone. D was annoyed recently about the laundry not being done one weekend which sparked a row. He wants to have a day where he can spend time with N and not have to think about anything else, which I understand, but as far as I'm concerned that's a luxury. I find it hard to balance spending quality, happy time with N as well as getting domestic stuff done. Sometimes it's just not possible to do it and watch N too. I do actually have a mental list of shit that I can get done when he is watching N on a Sunday so that he can relax and doesn't have to worry about it. Including the fucking laundry. I really resented him getting shitty. I was so angry. I felt like my boss had expressed disappointment in my work. What am I, a fifties housewife? He'll understand better when I go back to work in December and he's taking care of her on his own! Despite the tough stuff, N is blossoming into a truly wonderful little girl. She's so lovely and so much fun. Each stage of her development still gets better and better. We still regularly look at each other in disbelief that we have this amazing child.