Tuesday 29 December 2009

So....

So the causes of all my stress over the last few months have now either come to an end or have been resolved. I'm due to ovulate today. If it doesn't happen this month we will be trudging to the GP in January. Fingers crossed....

Friday 11 December 2009

Repeat...

...last entry.

People I know announcing their pregnancies. Jealous.

Monday 16 November 2009

Another month

Got my period on the 11th, as expected. Onwards and upwards.

Saturday 7 November 2009

4 weeks on...

... so I stopped using the thermometer, had more sex, the ovulation tests have failed to show a positive result this month, and I'm starting to get pre-menstrual symptoms again...my other half wants to see the doc, it's still been less than a year and I don't want to think about it anymore than necessary. I'm concerned that getting the doc involved will stress us out more... I dunno...

Wednesday 14 October 2009

Messed up cycle

Didn't end up getting my period until day 37(!) of my cycle. Have been extremely stressed at work over the last couple of weeks so think that delayed things. Going to try and lay off the thermometer usage a bit this month and try to be a bit less obsessive about what's going on. Oh, and have more sex!

Sunday 27 September 2009

Ovu...

...lating! Day 24 in the cycle - apparently this is very late. Just googled it - bad idea. Finding all kinds of things that could be wrong now! Argh...going to bed...

Saturday 26 September 2009

Problems

Saw an old friend last night. Haven't seen her for a long time. Surprisingly, we very quckly got talking about her difficulties getting pregnant. She and her other half have been having various tests done and have tried some treatments. I really hope it doesn't get to that point for us...

Thursday 3 September 2009

Did a pregnancy test today.

Negative. No surprises really. As my other half says, we'll just have to try harder!

Saturday 29 August 2009

Pink line

Got the line on Day 20 and have done what we needed to do! I've also been taking my temperature daily - absolutely no obvious pattern there... My period would be due in a few days and I'm already seeing the tell tale signs that it is coming (spotty chin!) So not holding out much hope for this month.

Thursday 20 August 2009

6 months in

So, I'm 6 months into this adventure and I'm no spring chicken, so I am now officially charting and taking my temperature and using ovulation tests. A bit of a palaver but good to feel like I have a bit of control over proceedings, even if in reality I don't at all! It's day 16 of my cycle and no sign of ovulation happening yet. Keeping my fingers crossed for that little pink line soon.

Thursday 13 August 2009

Rub it in why don't cha

I did get my period - a bit earlier than expected.

A colleague at work was gossiping about another colleague who looks to be pregnant. And then she says "so what about you?" As in, "are you pregnant yet?" How rude!
I said "no and don't ask me again!"

Moaned to friends about it at lunchtime so now they know we're trying too. Just putting some more pressure on myself there then!

Came home and ordered some ovulation tests on ebay...

Saddo.

Tuesday 4 August 2009

Pretty sure that I'm...

...going to get my period again. Time to buy those ovulation sticks me thinks.
I'm also pretty sure that someone else at work is pregnant. Jealous.
I'm also jealous of another colleague who is about to go on maternity leave. She plans to take 12 months off. It would be lovely to have that luxury.

Saturday 25 July 2009

Talk of ovulation

There seems to be a new topic among my friends - ovulation... One friend just told me that his wife is convinced that she only ovulates three times a year and that that's why it took so long for them to conceive. Another friend just had a laparoscopy - it turns out that everything is fine, she just doesn't ovulate. I'm supposed to be be ovulating now. Do I ovulate? Do I ovulate enough?? So many unknown factors in this business. I'm not good with unknowns...

Sunday 12 July 2009

Got another one...

...it's so predictable now! Oh well, at least I can get drunk at my mother-in-law's 60th birthday party!

Friday 12 June 2009

Got...

...my period. At least I'm regular I guess...

Wednesday 27 May 2009

It's been a while...

...I didn't mean to leave it this long. But there hasn't been a lot to report. I've been kind of tracking my temperature on the website that I mentioned in my last post, but there doesn't seem to be much of a pattern so I've pretty much given that up. My period came exactly when I expected it which was good. But that's about all there is to report. Except that...people keep asking me if we're planning to have a baby... My husband and I agreed that we wouldn't tell anyone that we're trying, just so we don't have the added pressure of knowing that people are waiting and wondering just like us. We told my Mum and his Mum and that was it. Then my husband told his cousin... And then I told his sister... And then someone at work asked me and I couldn't lie to her... And yet my closest friends don't know. Well, they've probably guessed as they know that it's on the cards but I haven't told them that I've stopped taking the Pill. If they ask me I won't be lying. But the more people know the more I do feel a certain amount of pressure to "perform". I think I'm putting too much pressure on myself as it is. It's only been 3 months and I already feel like we're failing somehow. Ridiculous really. Will I become one of those people who doesn't get pregnant due to trying too hard and then gives up and then gets pregnant?? Less than a year ago I didn't even know if I wanted this at all!

Sunday 19 April 2009

Cycle...

So I've signed up on one of these websites that tells you when you are likely to be ovulating. (Am I really doing this?) Should be getting busy most of this week apparently!

Sunday 12 April 2009

Bad news

The bad news is, that I got my period. It's been a while and I'd forgotten how much it sucks.

Saturday 11 April 2009

It works!

I got my period yesterday :) A relief to know that things appear to be working "down there". We know someone who went through the menopause while she was on the Pill and didn't find out until she was trying to have a baby. So, it's good to know!

Tuesday 7 April 2009

Second test

After the excitement of finding out about our family member being induced I decided to take another pregnancy test. It will be 8 weeks tomorrow since I stopped taking the pill. It was negative again - and still no sign of a period yet *sigh*.
I've decided to give it a few more weeks and then check it out with the doctor.

New family member

My husband's cousin is about to have a baby. She is expecting a boy and is due to be induced tonight. Very exciting for her and her husband. I can't imagine how they must be feeling knowing that they will be parents imminently and that they are about to meet their son :)
She is overseas (in NY) and we will be visiting family over there in July, so we will get to meet the little chap in 3 months time :)
I'm looking forward to going shopping for a present for him later this week :)

Tuesday 31 March 2009

Jealousy

Someone at work told me today that she is pregant. She's suffering terrible morning sickness and is pretty miserable, but all the same I'm a bit jealous. Apparently they decided in the New Year to "give it a go" and here they are almost 3 months pregnant at the end of March! It makes you sick, doesn't it? All is made worse by the fact that I'm being asked to pick up some of her work as she is unwell.....hmmmm

Friday 20 March 2009

6 weeks in

So I did a pregnancy test on the 11th as planned. It was negative. Not much to report since then. Still no sign of a period since coming off the Pill.
I was talking to a work colleague about another work colleague's baby. She said, "Does her baby make you broody?" I found myself answering "Yeah, definitely". My own response stopped me in my tracks. Did I really say that? That's soooo unlike me! I've never felt broody in my life before. I guess I'm quite a cautious person. Always considering the risks and negative points of everything. I get that from my Mother... And so maybe that's what's held me back from thinking about babies before. Now that I've been thinking about them a lot more, I'm less scared and thinking more about the positives. And therefore, getting a bit broody...LOL. Weird.

Friday 6 March 2009

Money

So, work is crap at the moment. I'd be up for leaving. But there is this recession going on so I guess I should be glad to have a job at the moment. Also, if I leave I would lose all the maternity benefits that come with a public sector job....hmmm. Trapped.
My husband is talking about selling our car as it's a convertible and it wouldn't be practical with kids. Now would be a good time to sell it with the summer coming. It's an old bird so we wouldn't get a lot for it. We're thinking of replacing it with a Golf or something similar. Thing is, not a hell of a lot of money in the bank since buying a house and lots of expensive stuff going on this year: mother-in-law's birthday overseas, a couple of weddings, house renovations still to be done... *sigh*

Belly is still feeling big. I'm thinking pre-menstrual water retention.

Monday 2 March 2009

Period?

I haven't had a period since I stopped taking the Pill. Well, I didn't have periods on the Pill that I was taking anyway, so it's been a VERY long time. I'm now wondering if the zit outbreak is a pre-menstrual one as there are other signs of an imminent period. I won't go into it...
I've decided that if I don't have a period within 4 weeks of stopping the Pill then I will do a pregnancy test. That would be the 11th March.

Sunday 1 March 2009

Changes

My belly looks bigger over the last few days...incredibly doubtful that this is a sign of something growing within, more like the indulgence and laziness of the past couple of months catching up with me. Must get to the gym more frequently *sigh*.
I've also had a bit of a zit break out in the last few days. Which is weird because I don't break out much and if I do it's usually one large, red and ugly that lasts for about a week and then nothing for months. I now have two on my face, one on my shoulder and a little spattering across the top of my back. Lovely... I'm assuming it's something to do with my hormone levels getting back to normal post-pill? I dunno.

Wednesday 25 February 2009

Nosey parkers

Some people at work know that my husband and I recently bought a house. They also know how old we are. And they have already come to the conclusion, without any hints from me, that we are "nesting" and getting ready to have a baby.
I saw a colleague today that I haven't seen for a couple of months. After saying hello, her eyes pretty quickly honed in on my stomach. Now, maybe it's just that all I'm thinking about at the moment is pregnancy, but it seemed to me that she was (fairly unsubtley) checking me out for signs of there being a proverbial bun-in-the-oven. Later in the day we were at a hotel, attending an event. I was flicking through a Bridal magazine that was lying in a pile of other less-appealing glossies. This colleague of mine says, "You've done that! Isn't there a parenting magazine there?"
I understand that people might wonder if I will be having a baby soon. I might, privately, consider the same of other people of a similar age and at a similar stage in their life to me. But, come on, keep it to yourself! For all they know I could be infertile, or could have recently miscarried, or be on the verge of divorce... I think she was just probing for a suitable response from me that might confirm her thinking. I didn't give her one.

Tuesday 24 February 2009

What do I do with it?

I met a work colleague for coffee this week. She is on maternity leave and her gorgeous baby girl is now 5 months old. There have been very few babies in my life and whenever I am handed one I'm very much lost. As long as they keep still and smile I'm fine, but a little wriggle or a wrinkled brow and I'm panicking and looking to hand them back to those who know better than me. Which seems to be pretty much everyone. How do you learn this basic stuff? How to hold a baby securely? How to make the kind of face that always makes a baby smile? Let alone feed one or bathe it safely!
I guess you just find your way? Rely on people who know to help you out?
This colleague that I'm talking about used to be a slightly apprehensive, indecisive individual but motherhood suits her and she has developed an air of confidence that she didn't have before. I know that looking after a baby didn't come immediately naturally to her but she seems to be taking it in her stride now.
I'm a bit of a perfectionist. Will I feel like a huge failure and the worst ever mother?

Monday 23 February 2009

Fertile?

All of a sudden, all I seem to be hearing about is women having trouble getting pregnant. People I know who came off the Pill months and months ago and who are still not pregnant...women resorting to IVF...people adopting as a result of not being able to get pregnant. I'm sure that I used to hear more about people getting pregnant accidentally...
What will be the case for me? It would be niave to think that my body will return immediately to normal after being on the Pill for 16 years. But I'd still like to think that I will get pregnant pretty much straight away and show the world how amazingly ripe and fertile I am for a 34 year old :)

Thursday 19 February 2009

Reason #1

Work really sucks at the moment. One good reason to have kids? Not having to go to work for a few months.

Wednesday 18 February 2009

Sleep

I've taken a few days off work this week. I've been feeling - and looking - really tired lately so I've been using these days to catch up on some sleep. Wondering how I would cope with limited sleep, every day, for several years.....hmmmmm

Monday 16 February 2009

Drugs

So I took my last contraceptive pill on Wednesday. Those tiny pills have been a security blanket for most of my adult life and taking them has become just as much a part of my routine as brushing my teeth. And now, here I am, deciding to abandon them for a different, and much more adult, life. At 34, and with nearly 12 years of marriage behind me, many people might wonder why we have waited so long. What can I say except we must have been too busy enjoying ourselves with things the way they were. But we recently began to hear the nagging tick of the biological clock and so decisions had to be made.
All you seem to hear from parents is how horrendous childbirth is, how knackering, expensive and all-consuming children are, how they take over your life - and you rarely see them say these things with a smile damn it! Just give me a smile, show me it's all worth it please!!!
But we Brits don't tend to tell each other how great things are, do we. We don't tell each other how fantastic our husbands are and how much we cherish them, or how great we consider our friends to be. That would be showing off! We moan and complain about anything and everything. And so having children is the perfect opportunity for a fantastically long winded whinge.
I picture us with children and hope that we can handle the challenge and the hard-work and that we enjoy the irreversible change in our lives. I also picture us smiling and laughing a lot more :)
I've replaced those little dots of hormones with little dots of folic acid. I was so happy to see that the folic acid came in little yellow pills and in a blister pack, just like my contraceptive pill :) Psychologically that has really helped the transition!
So here we are, wondering what happens next...

Sunday 15 February 2009

And so it begins

I'm not a writer. I don't consider myself to be good with words. I don't normally do stuff like this. But I am about to embark on a big journey, taking the plunge, and I imagine that I will have some stuff to say about it. I'd like to record the adventure in some way. I take photographs and that is the usual way that I choose to record my life. And although photographs will no doubt play a big part in this...this unknown new world...I don't think that they will be enough. I'd like to have more than photographs to look back on. I am doing this mainly for myself but I'm interested to see how sharing my thoughts with others might inject more colour into the picture.