Fear and pain

I've had a slightly shitty week. The back pain has been pretty bad. Had a bad day at work with it on Monday and then tried a lumbar support on Tuesday morning which intensified the pain so much that I thought I was losing my mind and had to leave work early. My OH booked me in to see an acupuncturist on Thursday evening. She was very good and spent quite a lot of time looking at my back trying to find out the source of the pain. She suggested some things to try and did some cupping and put in some needles. My back was so tense that it pushed the needled out! I've come to the conclusion that the pain is being caused by a combination of the scoliosis that I've always had and extra pressure on my back due to carrying the bump. I'm getting to know the ways that relieve it but it's still exhausting to sit for any period of time. I've been feeling generally a bit more anxious and overwhelmed about things in the last week. Time seems to be flying by all of a sudden and I suddently felt the need to get organised with my hospital bag list, birth plan and understanding labour. I've started frantically reading up and taking loads of notes! I wish our antenatal classes were starting sooner than September. I've been reading about Braxton Hicks and I'm wondering if I've had a few of these already. There have been a couple of times where my abdomen has tensed up and reached a kind of peak around my belly button. I thought that it was the baby pushing out and tensing at the time but now I wonder... It wasn't painful at all, just a different sensation. I went to yoga on Wednesday night and the teacher really worried me. We were talking as a group about fears of birth and she asked if we had any stories and I mentioned that my mum had two very long labours. She pulled me aside afterwards and said that I'm likely to have difficulties too. I was feeling positive about the birth and she made me anxious. I felt like she was making a rash judgement on very little information. She said that it's likely that my Mum had a pelvic imbalance that stopped the baby finding the right position and she recommended that I have cranial sacral therapy but didn't really explain how this would help other than that it would release tension in my skull, spine and pelvis that might have been there since birth... My mum has made a drama of her birth experiences my whole life and it really scared me when I was younger, but as I've got more knowledgable I've become less fearful so it was horrible to go back a step! I know that I have to take what my yoga teacher said with a pinch of salt but she is a doula with a lot of experience and so I also feel that I should give her some credit too and consider what she suggests. I felt pretty pissed off and stressed last night that what is supposed to be making me feel more confident and positive about labour had left me anxious and confused. But having thought it through logically this morning, and having talked to my OH and sister in law I have gained some perspective. My mum gave birth 40 years ago for fucks sake. She was probably on her back the whole time, I don't think she had anyone with her (my Dad was watching the cricket!) and I doubt that she was very well informed about the process of labour. Although she speaks of being in labour for 5 days with my sister, I don't know how much of this was pre-labour, early-labour or active labour. I know that my experience will be completely different from hers anyway. And if I do run into difficulties I will be in the right place, I'm happy for the medical staff to intervene and help me if it's needed. *sigh* On a positive note, we saw the midwife on Tuesday morning for our 25 week check. She is happy with everything and the baby's heartbeat is strong and in the right range. Also, I chatted to a few more people at the yoga class. One of the girls that I was paired up with is called Antonia! To my OH this is the third sign that it's the right name! We haven't committed 100% yet though. I discovered that some of the other girls who are as pregnant as me or more so aren't as prepared as we are with buying stuff. And one girl is 39 weeks pregnant and is only doing her birth plan next week! I couldn't cope with that! She does seem extremely relaxed about everything though.

Update

Lots to mention since my last post: 1. My body is being prepared for earlier mornings - I'm waking up at around 5:55am every morning. Weird. 2. We've been getting the nursery a bit more ready by putting up some wall decals. It's looking really cute :) We've been leaving the door open so we can have a peek whenever we walk past.

3. I've been a little bit snippy to my OH recently, which he was none too pleased about... I really don't mean to be. The weather has been getting warmer and I've been getting a bit impatient and cranky. Oops. 4. We went on our last child-free holiday, our babymoon, last week. We spent a week on an island in Croatia. It was bliss. Really chilled. I only spent one day site seeing and I really struggled in the heat. Otherwise we took it really easy. It was great to have the time to wallow together in our happiness about the baby, and sit together every afternoon watching her wiggle :) We bought a cute monkey for her too.

5. We've been really struggling with names up until now. We had a couple of possibles (Cerys and Elsa) but nothing that we have felt really strongly about. The were some other names that we like but that are already too popular (Ava and Isla). On our journey to Croatia my OH had a name pop into his head (Antonia, with Toni as a pet name). We both liked it and and played with it for a few days. Then we went on a day trip to Dubrovnik and bought a little wooden bee for the nursery from a stall-holder. She told me that I had to name it and I asked her what she would name it. And she said Tony because her son is called Antonio. Weird! So this one seems to be sticking more than any others. We're going to wait until she's born before making any final decision though. And I don't want to share this idea with anyone. People have such strong opinions, I don't want to be influenced.

6. I suffered quite badly with acid reflux on holiday. A couple of times I woke up choking on it which was awful. I think it was probably eating so late in the day. It's been much better since we got home. Certain things definitely trigger it though: chocolate (boo!), the green tea that I drink, mint and bending over. 7. The back pain is ongoing... I had a workstation assessment at work just before we went on holiday (I'm now using a different chair and my monitor has been moved) and met with a physio (who has given me some stretches to try). I was really hoping that a break from work would help too but I suffered a little bit on holiday during the rare times I was sitting (rather than walking or lying) and now I'm back at work it's come back again just as bad as before. I forgot to take the magnesium supplements while I was away so I need to start popping those again. Looking forward to getting back to the yoga class tomorrow night for a bit of relief. I'm really hoping that, just like so many symptoms with this pregnancy, that this will be a temporary problem.