Fear and pain

I've had a slightly shitty week. The back pain has been pretty bad. Had a bad day at work with it on Monday and then tried a lumbar support on Tuesday morning which intensified the pain so much that I thought I was losing my mind and had to leave work early. My OH booked me in to see an acupuncturist on Thursday evening. She was very good and spent quite a lot of time looking at my back trying to find out the source of the pain. She suggested some things to try and did some cupping and put in some needles. My back was so tense that it pushed the needled out! I've come to the conclusion that the pain is being caused by a combination of the scoliosis that I've always had and extra pressure on my back due to carrying the bump. I'm getting to know the ways that relieve it but it's still exhausting to sit for any period of time. I've been feeling generally a bit more anxious and overwhelmed about things in the last week. Time seems to be flying by all of a sudden and I suddently felt the need to get organised with my hospital bag list, birth plan and understanding labour. I've started frantically reading up and taking loads of notes! I wish our antenatal classes were starting sooner than September. I've been reading about Braxton Hicks and I'm wondering if I've had a few of these already. There have been a couple of times where my abdomen has tensed up and reached a kind of peak around my belly button. I thought that it was the baby pushing out and tensing at the time but now I wonder... It wasn't painful at all, just a different sensation. I went to yoga on Wednesday night and the teacher really worried me. We were talking as a group about fears of birth and she asked if we had any stories and I mentioned that my mum had two very long labours. She pulled me aside afterwards and said that I'm likely to have difficulties too. I was feeling positive about the birth and she made me anxious. I felt like she was making a rash judgement on very little information. She said that it's likely that my Mum had a pelvic imbalance that stopped the baby finding the right position and she recommended that I have cranial sacral therapy but didn't really explain how this would help other than that it would release tension in my skull, spine and pelvis that might have been there since birth... My mum has made a drama of her birth experiences my whole life and it really scared me when I was younger, but as I've got more knowledgable I've become less fearful so it was horrible to go back a step! I know that I have to take what my yoga teacher said with a pinch of salt but she is a doula with a lot of experience and so I also feel that I should give her some credit too and consider what she suggests. I felt pretty pissed off and stressed last night that what is supposed to be making me feel more confident and positive about labour had left me anxious and confused. But having thought it through logically this morning, and having talked to my OH and sister in law I have gained some perspective. My mum gave birth 40 years ago for fucks sake. She was probably on her back the whole time, I don't think she had anyone with her (my Dad was watching the cricket!) and I doubt that she was very well informed about the process of labour. Although she speaks of being in labour for 5 days with my sister, I don't know how much of this was pre-labour, early-labour or active labour. I know that my experience will be completely different from hers anyway. And if I do run into difficulties I will be in the right place, I'm happy for the medical staff to intervene and help me if it's needed. *sigh* On a positive note, we saw the midwife on Tuesday morning for our 25 week check. She is happy with everything and the baby's heartbeat is strong and in the right range. Also, I chatted to a few more people at the yoga class. One of the girls that I was paired up with is called Antonia! To my OH this is the third sign that it's the right name! We haven't committed 100% yet though. I discovered that some of the other girls who are as pregnant as me or more so aren't as prepared as we are with buying stuff. And one girl is 39 weeks pregnant and is only doing her birth plan next week! I couldn't cope with that! She does seem extremely relaxed about everything though.