Not feeling very positive

I don't think I'm pregnant. My period is due anytime from Monday - 3 days from now. I'm feeling bloated and my moods have been swinging over the last few days. I just don't think it's happened. For as long as I'm not in regular work, it's not an ideal time. So it's probably for the best if I'm right. I'm considering taking a month off the treatment, just to give me more time to get a job before trying again. But on the other hand, it's much more convenient to be going through the treatment while I'm not in full time work. It's a dilemma.

IUI number 2

So, yesterday we did the second IUI. The first was so simple and painless that I had no concerns about going in for it. But I was in for a bit of a surprise. This time it was really uncomfortable and unpleasant. Apparently, each time I have an IUI they will alternate the type of catheter that they use to inseminate as it improves the chances of success. The catheter that the nurse used yesterday was longer and she put more liquid into my uterus. It left me with a very sore uterus for the rest of the day. Is it any wonder that the success rates for this procedure aren't great when your insides are constantly getting such a battering? If I was my uterus, I'd be saying "For God's sake, give it a rest, and no, I don't want an f-ing foetus in me thanks!"
Anyway, 2 weeks and 2 days from today I can do a pregnancy test. Unless AF comes first!

Gearing up for IUI number 2

At the scan on Friday there had been some follicle growth but not enough, and so I continued with the higher dose of Puregon over the weekend. I went for yet another scan today and we have at least one, possibly two, follicles that have grown enough and so we are going for the IUI on Wednesday. Feeling very positive about this one for some reason :)
My usual nurse really struggles to scan my ovaries as she says that I have an extremely retroverted uterus and the ovaries are really tricky to get to. This causes me a great deal of discomfort and I end up squirming all over the bed, willing it to be over. The weird thing is, whenever any of the other nurses do it, it seems to be relatively easy for them .... But I don't feel able to make a complaint about my usual nurse's techique when I'm in such a vulnerable position with her!

Lack of growth

On Wednesday, I went for my first scan of this cycle. I mentioned in my last post that I haven't felt the same physical effects of the drugs this time, and it seems that they're not having the effect they are supposed to have either. My follicles are only about 8mm. Very little growth apparently. So the nurse upped my dose of Puregon by 50% for 2 days and I'm going back in for another scan tomorrow. I'm still not feeling anything so don't feel very hopeful that I'll be ready tomorrow either. I seem to have a permanent cluster of zits on my chin though, which is nice! Still feeling blue a lot of the time. Trying to be positive but it's tough. Keeping my head busy with job hunting and working on my business. My sister in law just emailed a lovely photo of her 22 week bump. She's clearly getting excited now. Will it be me one day??

Blue

I'm four days into this cycle of injections and have a belly covered in bruises. I'm not as bloated as this time last month and my boobs aren't sore anymore, so hopefully my body is adjusting to the medication. Feeling pretty blue though... I've had a few knocks on my confidence work-wise this last week so that probably has a lot to do with it. And it's grey and dark outside. I could really use some sunshine! Just generally feeling a bit sorry for myself.

One IUI down, three to go

This last week has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. The waiting in the days approaching test day was, as accurately predicted by the nurse, pretty excrutiating. I started cramping on Saturday (5 days before test day) and assumed that my period was coming early. I got a bit blue and waited for it to happen. But the cramping stopped. Then on Sunday, the cramping started again. I started googling and discovered that cramping can be an early sign of pregnancy, as the uterus adjusts to the changes within. So, I got pretty excited about it. My period wasn't officially due for about another five days so it seemed that pregnancy was the most likely outcome. But no, 2 days before test day, Aunt Flo appeared on the doorstep. A most unwelcome guest. We were both pretty gutted and the thought of getting back into the cycle with the drugs again was depressing. My husband had mentioned test day to my mother-in-law so, not surprisingly, she called that day to see if I had done the test. I had already moved on in my head but her call made me realise how disappointed I really was. She asked me how I was feeling, and I realised that she was the first person to ask me that. I've told my Mum and several close friends about the treatment, but they don't ask me about it unless I bring it up. I appreciate that it's probably difficult for them as it's a sensitive subject, but when no-one asks it makes it feel so taboo or like they just don't really care. I put on a brave face for my mother-in-law and said "we're taking it day by day", "what will be, will be" etc, but really I felt like saying "this sucks!" "I'm really upset". So, why didn't I?