8 months old

N is 8 months old! She weighs 9.1kg (20lbs) and is 28 inches long. Each month gets faster and faster.... She is so much fun, recognising us and smiling all the time. She charms the pants off everyone. She seems to have really developed in her communication skills this month. She is starting to form words! She is saying mamamama and she has tried very convincingly to say cat a couple of times. She definitely recognises the sign for cat. She took her first train journey (to a local station) but didn't seem particularly impressed! She had been dancing on her bum to tunes that she likes and trying to sing. She LOVED watching Dolly Parton performing at Glastonbury in TV. She loves banana toast and satsumas. She is pushing up onto her knees, and is desperate to crawl. She is using her pincer grip! Even when her whole fist would work better :) She really loves a book that we borrowed from the library called "Peter rabbit I love you" from the library. She loves you peekaboo mirror in it. She loves mirrors in general at the moment! We had a bit of a scare this month. We noticed that N had starting twitching a few times a day so I called the health visitor expecting her to say that it's a normal thing as they develop control of their muscles but instead she told me to take her to the doctor. The doctor wasn't too concerned as N is otherwise thriving but told me to try and get some video footage of it. That evening we managed to get some footage and the twitches in the footage were particularly strong and scary. It was a Friday night and so we had to wait all weekend to see the doctor again and we were really scared and thinking the worst - that it might be epilepsy or a brain tumour or something awful. On Monday morning we saw a GP and she arranged for us to take N to the paediatric assessment unit at the hospital that morning. The GP wasn't overly concerned but she knew that we were due to go to Spain on the Wednesday so understood that we wanted some reassurance ASAP. We spent all day at the hospital. Lots of waiting and seeing various doctors who were all really helpful and informed. They said that N would need an EEG to help them work out what is going on. They managed to get us an EEG that afternoon, again to enable us to be reassured before going on holiday which was great. N had a little net put over her head and little sensors attached to it. She played, fed and slept quite happily as it was done. We got the EEG report the next day and as N actually twitched during the EEG they were able to confirm that the twitches aren't related to epilepsy and they diagnosed Benign Infantile Myocolonic Spasms which basically means that they aren't harmful, don't need treatment and will probably go away by themselves by the time N is 2 years old. This was such a huge relief and we were so grateful for the fast diagnosis. We're really learning more each week what it is to be a concerned parent! So we went on our first family holiday to Madrid. I was a bit nervous about travelling with a baby but it went pretty smoothly. The only difficulties were in travelling to and from the airport. We booked a private transfer car and asked for a car seat. They had one in the car, for a small child not a baby and it was broken! So in both directions N had to sit in my lap which was pretty scary. Also, N got conjunctivitis while we were away and so we had to call a doctor to the hospital. Other than that she was a great travel buddy and she completely soaked up the experience. She had lots of firsts on this trip: first flight (she was a dream passenger), first subway ride, first time she had mint choc ice cream (and loved it as much as mum and dad do!), first trip to the zoo (particularly loved the aquarium), first gay pride parade! D is now off work for the summer and so my daily routine has changed a little. It's great to have extra help with N and enjoy quality family time together. Over the last few days I've felt a change in my hormones. I've got spots around my chin and I've been feeling premenstrual so I've been expecting my period to start again, but nothing just yet...

5 months old

At 21 weeks, N is 26.5 inches and 17lb 1 oz. I've heard of the time between 3 and 6 months as being the golden months and I can understand that. N is a proper baby now in all her cuddly cuteness and she is showing personality and is a lot of fun. But as she still isn't mobile she is still fairly easy to care for! We love her more every day :) She is getting much more capable of moving how she wants to, turning to look at things, reaching for things when she's on her tummy. She is pushing up a bit more when she's on her belly and showing signs of trying to roll over occasionally. She has very strong abs and loves to crunch them to look at her feet with her legs stretched out. She is making new noises all the time and loves to babble away to herself. N is learning about the world with her mouth and her little lizard tongue keeps popping out in search of new things :) Her wrists and thighs are very cutely chubby. More hair is coming through with glimmers of blonde. She got her first cold :( It was heartbreaking to see her pale, watery-eyed face. She woke quite a lot in the night, struggling to breath. I also got the cold so it's been a slightly tougher couple of weeks for us both and I've been the most sleep deprived to date. On the plus side, D has been off work for Easter so that's been a big help and enabled a few naps! I feel like I'm really understanding N's needs more now and anticipating them more. My instincts about what is going on with her have proven to be right which increases my confidence to trust them and ignore suggestions from other people :) Her swimming lessons are going well and she had her first free underwater swim last week which was great to watch through my goggles. N has started to use her door bouncer which she seems to be having fun with even though she looks slightly surprised at her freedom in it and I find it really odd to see her standing in it without our help! Her nick name is firmly The Bean or Beaner, from me calling her N-bean from the early days. She is really enjoyable company and we're good buddies now :) I didn't ever have an immediate, overwhelming bond with her which worried me in the beginning. Our bond has definitely been developing gradually and I prefer it that way now as I feel it's based on our time together and the trust that has developed rather than a chemical or hormonal reaction. I've wanted to wait until 6 months to give N any solid food but D is very keen and keeps putting naughty food on her lips (butter, cream, jam, chocolate). So I relented to gain some control and gave her a first stick of cucumber to chew on! I'm a little torn as the advice is to wait until 6 months to avoid infections and allergies but N appears to ready to get started. She is watching us eat all the time and I think she's almost strong enough to sit up and eat now. My reasons for not starting might also be wrapped up in not wanting her to grow up too quickly! I'm gathering all my notes about weaning and will buy a few things that we need in the next week or so. Maybe we'll make a start with some baby rice in a couple of weeks. I'm noticing some slight changes in myself which I think are hormonal, mainly that the benefits to my hair are disappearing! All through my pregnancy and during the early months with N my hair has been full and glossy and hanging beautifully and I've only needed to wash it every few days. But now it's starting to fall out, it's hanging limply and my greasy roots have made a return requiring more regular washing. Meh! My pelvic floor seems to be improving. I work on the exercises when I'm lying in N's crib at night feeding her to sleep. However, if I try and do a little jump it feels a bit like a trampoline! D and I still haven't attempted sex again (due to time more than anything, N isn't great at naps!) but I feel like I might be more ready for it physically now. I've emailed my boss about my return to work. I'm going to take the full year off and I've asked to return part-time. I've also been accruing annual leave while I'm off and so I can add this the my maternity leave. This will enable me to stay off until early December. I feel extremely lucky to be able to take so much time with N while she is little, but I'm also dreading the return to work when it does come around. N will be with my Mum for the three days per week that I'll be at work and I'm sure I'm going to be jealous of their time together. My Mum was at home with my sister and I when we were small and I feel like it should be my turn now rather than her turn again! But needs must.

Bloomin' hormones

On Monday night, I really didn't sleep well as the baby was moving A LOT! And on Tueday morning I was pretty sure that she had changed position. She was lying on my right side, back to front, and I was pretty sure that she had moved over to my left side, still back to front. Which is great, as this is the optimal position for labout. I saw the midwife yesterday and she confirmed this position and did the usual checks and everything is fine. She also offered to do a stretch and sweep that day (or Friday or Sunday) if I wanted one. I surprised myself and agreed to have one on Friday. I have always said that I would want to wait until 41 weeks before having any intervention at all, but the midwife said that the sweep usually doesn't work on the first occasion and that it is suggested that you have it done a few times before trying anything else. So I want to give myself plenty of time to do that before having any drugs administered as I really want to avoid that if possible. They will want to start looking at other options when I'm 12 days overdue (next Friday) so by having the first sweep on Friday I have another 5-6 days to keep trying the sweep method a few times. Although I'm quite happy with my decision today, I came home from the midwife yesterday feeling a bit wobbly about it all and asking myself if I'm jumping in too soon by going against my original decision. I came home and tried to relax with my hypno-birthing CD but had trouble focussing on it. Just as it ended, and I was coming around a bit, my Mum knocked on the door and peered through the blinds. Now, I know people feel differently about this but I personally think that popping in unannounced is really rude! I answered the door in a daze and she apologised for waking me up. I told her that she hadn't woken me up but that if had have done I would not have been happy! I'm generally very polite to my Mum and wouldn't want to hurt her feelings and so she looked a little shocked. She came in and asked how it had gone with the midwife. I felt very foggy headed and dozy and had trouble trying to explain what I had decided. She must have got the message that it was a bad time as she didn't stay long and let herself out. I'm worried that I'll need to set some ground rules now that I'm at home every day. If D was home with me, I'm sure she wouldn't just pop in like that. She usually always calls ahead. When the baby arrives, I definitely want to try and rest and nap when she does and I really don't want unexpected visits to become the norm...*sigh* I was furious with her when she left, I think just because it added to my sense of being out of control of things generally. When it came to explaining what had happened with the midwife to D, I had the same problem explaining my decision and kept losing my train of thought and as the evening rolled on I felt more and more wobbly and a bit weepy. D was great and was really supportive and understanding. But I hate losing control of my emotions. I know that I like to feel in control but I didn't realise quite how important it was to me until this week. I've just been messaging one of the other NCT girls who is also slightly overdue now and she said that it's bothering her more than she thought it would as well. For me, I feel that the way my labour goes is already starting to be taken out of my hands and I'm worried that all the things that I want to avoid are going to end up happening (ie, being induced with drugs, having to go into the labour ward rather than the birth centre, not being about to use a birth pool, having a long labour and needing pain relief that will effect the baby, needing an assisted birth or a C-section). I guess I need to remind myself that I do have a certain amount of control and that I can make small decisions as they arise. Other than that I need to just breathe and go with it!