Realisations

On Wednesday, I baked a cake in the morning ready for a visit from a couple of work colleagues in the afternoon. It was good to see them and chat about a variety of different things that kept me distracted from the lack of movement! D and I went to a pub quiz with some friends on Tuesday night as well. Then on Thursday I met my Mum for lunch. I still haven't slept well the last couple of nights as my back pain has returned since the baby changed position. I wonder whether it's also because I haven't been taking the magnesium as I've almost run out and was hesitant to spend money on more at this late stage. But after three days of discomfort I'm going to pick up some more today. Even if it only works on a psychological level that's fine with me! Anways, the midwife came to the house this morning to do the stretch and sweep. She started off with the usual checks (blood pressure, checking the heart beat) and all is fine there. My sister-in-law described the stretch and sweep as an 'aggressive pelvic examination'. Well, it certainly felt quite aggressive! She didn't use a speculum so was rummaging around deeply to find the cervix. I couldn't help putting up some resistance and did some deep breathing. I felt quite embarrassed that I had needed to do that when she stopped and told me that my cervix is still very posterior and she couldn't reach it! So there was no chance of a sweep today or to finding out if I'm dilated at all. She said that there isn't any point in trying again on Sunday and suggested that we give it another go on Tuesday and see where things are then. She also said that she will book me in for induction the following Friday in case nothing happens between now and then. Although it was reassuring to know that things aren't happening because the baby is clearly not close to being ready yet, I felt really disappointed and frustrated and a bit weepy again. I think is was the idea of actually being booked for an induction already. D asked me why that bothered me so much and I guess it's because, knowing our family history, I really don't want to rush her out if she's not ready and I'm a little scared of the contractions being more painful following an induction and the increased likelihood of further interventions being needed. I've spent the rest of this morning reading about other people's experiences of induction in online forums - probably not the most sensible idea given how people love to talk about their horror stories! - but it did reassure me in that everyone's experience was so different but they all said that ultimately their memories of the birth of their child are still positive because they had a healthy baby, and after the birth that's all they were focussed on. There were some sad stories of women who hadn't been induced who then went on to lose their babies. I also re-read my birth plan, which already seems ridiculously optimistic and idealistic(!) and realised that if it all goes tits up and I don't have anything close to the experience that I was hoping for, that it doesn't matter as long as the baby arrives safely. I accept that I need to take the advice of the professionals and that although being induced at 40 + 12 days may feel like I'm being put on a conveyor belt, that actually there are good reasons for hospital procedures being what they are to ensure the well-being of me and the baby. As our NCT tutor had said, we are living in the best period in history for maternity care and in one of the best countries for maternity care and so I feel more relaxed now that I will get good care and that I need to accept advice given to me (unless I feel very strongly otherwise!). One of the other NCT girls was also booked in for a sweep this morning, but I've just had a message from her that she has had to go into hospital as her blood pressure has gone up and she has protein in her wee so they have concerns about pre-eclampsia. We have a very healthy, active baby and I am also in good health, so I really don't have anything to be unhappy about! I need to enjoy these last days of freedom and relaxation for however long they decide to last...

Waiting...

So another week of maternity leave has flown by! I met three of the girls from my NCT group on Monday. One of them has had her baby and she talked incessantly about the birth and the early weeks. She just doesn't stop talking generally and her anxiety about adjusting to being a Mum was obvious. After an hour and a half of listening to her I was utterly exhausted and had to make my excuses! On Tuesday morning the health visitor came to see me. She turned up two hours earlier than expected and I was still in my pyjamas, but I figured that the next time she comes to see me I'll probably still be in my pyjamas anyway! D is a little anti-health visitors and I must admit that I felt her questionning about our lives and medical history was a little intrusive. But I believe that they have our best interests at heart and this particular health visitor does seem very lovely and supportive and that's how I have to view the visits. I saw the midwife for my 38 week visit in the afternoon and that went smoothly. All is still fine. My blood pressure has risen very slightly but it's still low, the babies heart rate is still good and her growth is still on track so no concerns. On Wednesday I went to see an old work colleague for coffee and on Friday met a couple of old work colleagues for lunch. In between I've been carrying on the list of cleaning, minor DIY and napping! D has been on half term break since Thursday and so we've been getting some practical things done together (taking stuff to the tip, figuring out the car seat, shopping, etc). For the last few days I've been feeling pretty low and grumpy. I just put it down to hormones but when it wasn't going away I started getting worried that this was the start of some kind of pre/post natal depression. Everyone has been saying 'oh, you must be so excited' but I've just been feeling a bit flat and anxious and overwhelmed. I was beginning to get a bit worried about not feeling how I should when the baby arrives. Anyway, I had a chat with D about it and he asked his sister if she had felt the same. She was very supportive and reassured me that I'll snap out of it and it's all to be expected. I feel a lot better today! :) We're about to go to the cinema - this could well be the last visit for a while!!

Chillin

Feeling a lot more relaxed... My cold is clearing and helping me think more clearly, I had a productive weekend getting things ready for the baby, I've made good progress with tying things up at work, I made contact with the friend who didn't come to the baby shower and we're making plans to catch up soon. Things are just generally a little calmer. My last set of blood results came back and my platelets have gone up again so giving birth in the midwife-led unit is still an option, and my iron levels are still borderline but my doctor isn't planning to do anything about it. Although he does want me to have some more blood tests: B12, folate and something else. I have a midwife appointment next Tuesday, our final growth scan on Wednesday and then I finish work on Friday! All being well, I'll be able to spend some time with my feet up as well as ticking a few things off my list such as stocking the freezer and cleaning the house! Looking forward to the weeks ahead! The baby had a crazy day yesterday. She wiggled and squirmed all day long, it was nuts. I think she may have shifted position slightly. I think she is still head down (hopefully) but maybe every so slightly lower?

Baby shower

So my "surprise" baby shower happened on Sunday! I knew it was happening as D had it written in his diary and a work colleague sent me a text to say that she hoped I have a good time and sorry that she couldn't be there! So as soon as I entered the room I blurted it all out as I really didn't want to act surprised. I'm a rubbish actor! There was a really lovely crowd of people there. My Mum and my sister who made the trip from London to be there, two of my oldest friends (one who came down from Bedfordshire), some old and current work colleagues and my lovely friend who organised the shower and a mutual friend of ours. I know I said that I wouldn't take the absence of one of my oldest friends personally but I did! I gave her 24 hours to send the expected "sorry I couldn't be there" message and when she didn't I sent her a message to say that she had been missed and to ask if everything was OK. She said that everything was fine and that she'd just had a busy weekend. It did feel like a pathetic response and I do feel let down. But what can I do? Life is changing now and I have to accept that the people in my life might change too. Hopefully, if I lose some people I'll also gain some great new friends along the way too. Anyway, the lovely friend who organised the shower had really gone to a lot of effort with the decorations, food and baby themed quizzes.

And I received lots of lovely gifts including hand-knitted items from my Mum. I was really touched.

Time ticking on...

I had a routine midwife appointment this morning. All is fine. My blood pressure hasn't risen at all throughout the pregnancy. The babies heartrate is still good. She is maintaining the growth rate on my chart. My iron levels are fine. However, my platelet count from my last blood test was a little low. It's supposed to be between 150 and 400 and mine is 147 or something close. So I need to have my blood re-done next week to check that it's not dropping further. If it stays as it is then it'll be fine but if it drops below 100 then I'll need to see a consultant so they can 'make a plan' for the birth. I'm not concerned at this point. I've made an appointment for next Friday at my GP surgery for the blood test and I'll also be having a whooping cough vaccination to protect the baby as there has been a bit of an outbreak apparently. Have I mentioned that my vocal chords have been weird? I think it must be hormones. The tone of my voice is pretty unpredictable and I can often sound like a pubescent boy! My OH has hinted more about the baby shower that a friend is holding for me and who is going to be there, including one of my friends who doesn't live locally. She then sent me a text to say that she was coming down 'for a family do' and we've arranged to meet for coffee so I'm pretty sure it's happening sometime that weekend! (14/15 Sep). My OH (I'll refer to him as D from now on) was angry because apparently one of my very good friends couldn't make the original date. D was annoyed that she hadn't prioritised the shower. I was a little hurt at first too but having thought about it quite a bit I have to consider that she might not be too keen for lots of reasons. She hasn't ever expressed an interest in having kids but apparently she broached the subject with her boyfriend recently (boys are bigger gossips than girls!). Maybe she's just not interested in a baby themed event or maybe having a baby is actually something she quietly really wants but is concerned about it not happening due to her relationship/age/etc. So if she doesn't make it to the shower I'm not going to take it personally. My back and rib pain continues and I'm having good days and bad. I'm increasingly uncomfortable generally! I'm finishing work at 3:30 instead of 5 at the moment. I'm taking it as annual leave but my boss has said that I should just go home if I'm not feeling good enough to work and not take leave. She knows that I don't take advantage and that a lot of people would so she's being very flexible which is great. I had a massage on Saturday which was done on a normal massage couch but with warm water pads on top. I lay on my back the whole time and the therapist massaged my back between the pads and my back. It was really nice not to have to move for the full hour and it was very relaxing. I might have to squeeze another one of those in before the baby is born! When I got home afterwards my Mum had just arrived at the house and was waiting for me to get back. She wanted to know if I would like her to use some of my left over wedding dress material to make a christening gown. She wanted to check in case I thought it would be too old fashioned. What perhaps she should have been asking was whether we are planning on having a christening, which we're not! So I had to break that to her in my post-massage stupor. It was really nice of her to offer to make a gown and hopefully she's not too upset about it. I don't consider myself to be a religious person. I intend to educate my child about religion generally and let her decide for herself. D is a christian but he doesn't attend church and doesn't believe that our baby will be banished to hell if she's not christened. We like the idea of having some kind of ceremony but we're not clear about what would be right for us at the moment. We've thought about Godparents (or maybe Guideparents!) but we have quite a few friends that we would want to ask so it would be really hard to know where to draw the line. We'll give it some thought. The babies movements are definitely getting bigger! There are more large movements and she appears to still be in the same position (head down on my left side). It's still odd to think that there is actually a baby in there! I only have 6 weeks left at work now which will fly by I'm sure. My stuff for the hospital bag is slowly piling up and at our next midwife appointment at 34 weeks we'll be discussing the labour and birth. Our NCT (National Childbirth Trust) antenatal classes start this week. I'm looking forward to meeting some more mums, hopefully making some new friends and learning a bit more. I'm really hoping that D finds the classes useful too and benefits from meeting some other dads-to-be. We're getting close to this baby being here now!!

Getting personal

Can't believe it's 14 weeks already now! Over the last 2 weeks I've really been starting to get my energy back (apart from needing the occasional nap) which has been great as it's given me the motivation to do a few things at home to get things ready. Like finally finishing painting the rocking chair! New symptoms include indigestion in a big way - fullness, burping, bloating, heatburn. It's pretty uncomfortable. Trying to eat small portions but I often forget... And often I really want to eat something but feel like I don't have room. The bump is still barely noticeable to everyone else, but we can really see the changes, particularly when comparing weekly photos. It seems to be moving upwards now. I think in the next week or so it'll really start to pop out. Clothing is starting to get tricky. I've bought a waist expander belt for my regular trousers and a bump belt which I haven't used yet. I also bought a pair of maternity leggings but they are really baggy! It's annoying that a lot of stores don't stock their maternity lines, you have to order online. I have trouble finding stuff to fit anyway as I'm short so I think my purchases are going to be a bit hit and miss. My Mum took me out for lunch this weekend and we went in a few baby shops afterwards to browse. She's so excited and bought us a few gifts. She has also pulled out some baby things that she had at home including my own baby blanket :) It seems that she has also been quietly buying some baby things over the years since we've been trying. She has lots of lovely books already, to keep at grannys house :) I'm named this post 'getting personal' as I'm already noticing how people seem to find it very easy to speak their mind to you when you're pregnant, either their advice or their observations. Someone that I barely know asked me if I thought I had put on weight! Cheeky! I've only put on a few pounds which I think is right for this time. It's not like I have a huge ass suddenly. I hope! It's amazing that when I was having fertility treatment people found it so difficult to talk openly, or even to talk about it at all, because it's such a personal subject. But now, it seems to be no problem at all! We are very lucky and have some amazing friends and family in our life. My wonderful sister in law (and friend) and her husband sent us this lovely care package today :)