Realisations

On Wednesday, I baked a cake in the morning ready for a visit from a couple of work colleagues in the afternoon. It was good to see them and chat about a variety of different things that kept me distracted from the lack of movement! D and I went to a pub quiz with some friends on Tuesday night as well. Then on Thursday I met my Mum for lunch. I still haven't slept well the last couple of nights as my back pain has returned since the baby changed position. I wonder whether it's also because I haven't been taking the magnesium as I've almost run out and was hesitant to spend money on more at this late stage. But after three days of discomfort I'm going to pick up some more today. Even if it only works on a psychological level that's fine with me! Anways, the midwife came to the house this morning to do the stretch and sweep. She started off with the usual checks (blood pressure, checking the heart beat) and all is fine there. My sister-in-law described the stretch and sweep as an 'aggressive pelvic examination'. Well, it certainly felt quite aggressive! She didn't use a speculum so was rummaging around deeply to find the cervix. I couldn't help putting up some resistance and did some deep breathing. I felt quite embarrassed that I had needed to do that when she stopped and told me that my cervix is still very posterior and she couldn't reach it! So there was no chance of a sweep today or to finding out if I'm dilated at all. She said that there isn't any point in trying again on Sunday and suggested that we give it another go on Tuesday and see where things are then. She also said that she will book me in for induction the following Friday in case nothing happens between now and then. Although it was reassuring to know that things aren't happening because the baby is clearly not close to being ready yet, I felt really disappointed and frustrated and a bit weepy again. I think is was the idea of actually being booked for an induction already. D asked me why that bothered me so much and I guess it's because, knowing our family history, I really don't want to rush her out if she's not ready and I'm a little scared of the contractions being more painful following an induction and the increased likelihood of further interventions being needed. I've spent the rest of this morning reading about other people's experiences of induction in online forums - probably not the most sensible idea given how people love to talk about their horror stories! - but it did reassure me in that everyone's experience was so different but they all said that ultimately their memories of the birth of their child are still positive because they had a healthy baby, and after the birth that's all they were focussed on. There were some sad stories of women who hadn't been induced who then went on to lose their babies. I also re-read my birth plan, which already seems ridiculously optimistic and idealistic(!) and realised that if it all goes tits up and I don't have anything close to the experience that I was hoping for, that it doesn't matter as long as the baby arrives safely. I accept that I need to take the advice of the professionals and that although being induced at 40 + 12 days may feel like I'm being put on a conveyor belt, that actually there are good reasons for hospital procedures being what they are to ensure the well-being of me and the baby. As our NCT tutor had said, we are living in the best period in history for maternity care and in one of the best countries for maternity care and so I feel more relaxed now that I will get good care and that I need to accept advice given to me (unless I feel very strongly otherwise!). One of the other NCT girls was also booked in for a sweep this morning, but I've just had a message from her that she has had to go into hospital as her blood pressure has gone up and she has protein in her wee so they have concerns about pre-eclampsia. We have a very healthy, active baby and I am also in good health, so I really don't have anything to be unhappy about! I need to enjoy these last days of freedom and relaxation for however long they decide to last...

Two more days...

...of work that is. I'm so ready to finish! I'm handing over my work to the person covering my maternity leave this week and I'm getting in a panic as we are clearly not going to have time to cover everything. But why do I care? Next week I won't be giving it a second thought. Can't wait to be focusing all my attention on our little one instead. I really hope she stays put for a couple more weeks at least so that I can finish up the things that I want to do at home and rest a little bit. I saw the midwife for our 36 week check on Tuesday. All is well. Growth is good, heartbeat is good, my blood pressure is still low. My platelets have gone up so the low risk birth unit should still be an option for us. And we had our last scan today. Again, all is looking great. Her head is down and she's getting nice and low. We got a nice pic of her - she's definitely got D's nose! I'm not sleeping well - as is the norm these days. Recently I've been waking up with an achey back and having to do yoga stretches on the bed in the early hours to be able to get back to sleep! I certainly seem to be very well used to having broken sleep now and I feel OK for it most of the time. But I know it's nothing compared to what I'll be experiencing soon! My bump seems to be significantly bigger lately. If I catch sight of my reflection I barely recognise myself. My work colleagues threw a little surprise baby shower for me when I got back from the scan. Tea and cake and gifts, bunting and balloons. So sweet of them. They are great colleagues. They've been so supportive through all of the fertility treatment and so excited for us through the pregnancy :) One of the girls from the NCT group gave birth today. A gorgeous little boy. Another of the girls has been induced today so we're waiting for more news from her. Seeing things happening for them makes it all feel very close indeed now! So exciting. So terrifying. So amazing!

Time ticking on...

I had a routine midwife appointment this morning. All is fine. My blood pressure hasn't risen at all throughout the pregnancy. The babies heartrate is still good. She is maintaining the growth rate on my chart. My iron levels are fine. However, my platelet count from my last blood test was a little low. It's supposed to be between 150 and 400 and mine is 147 or something close. So I need to have my blood re-done next week to check that it's not dropping further. If it stays as it is then it'll be fine but if it drops below 100 then I'll need to see a consultant so they can 'make a plan' for the birth. I'm not concerned at this point. I've made an appointment for next Friday at my GP surgery for the blood test and I'll also be having a whooping cough vaccination to protect the baby as there has been a bit of an outbreak apparently. Have I mentioned that my vocal chords have been weird? I think it must be hormones. The tone of my voice is pretty unpredictable and I can often sound like a pubescent boy! My OH has hinted more about the baby shower that a friend is holding for me and who is going to be there, including one of my friends who doesn't live locally. She then sent me a text to say that she was coming down 'for a family do' and we've arranged to meet for coffee so I'm pretty sure it's happening sometime that weekend! (14/15 Sep). My OH (I'll refer to him as D from now on) was angry because apparently one of my very good friends couldn't make the original date. D was annoyed that she hadn't prioritised the shower. I was a little hurt at first too but having thought about it quite a bit I have to consider that she might not be too keen for lots of reasons. She hasn't ever expressed an interest in having kids but apparently she broached the subject with her boyfriend recently (boys are bigger gossips than girls!). Maybe she's just not interested in a baby themed event or maybe having a baby is actually something she quietly really wants but is concerned about it not happening due to her relationship/age/etc. So if she doesn't make it to the shower I'm not going to take it personally. My back and rib pain continues and I'm having good days and bad. I'm increasingly uncomfortable generally! I'm finishing work at 3:30 instead of 5 at the moment. I'm taking it as annual leave but my boss has said that I should just go home if I'm not feeling good enough to work and not take leave. She knows that I don't take advantage and that a lot of people would so she's being very flexible which is great. I had a massage on Saturday which was done on a normal massage couch but with warm water pads on top. I lay on my back the whole time and the therapist massaged my back between the pads and my back. It was really nice not to have to move for the full hour and it was very relaxing. I might have to squeeze another one of those in before the baby is born! When I got home afterwards my Mum had just arrived at the house and was waiting for me to get back. She wanted to know if I would like her to use some of my left over wedding dress material to make a christening gown. She wanted to check in case I thought it would be too old fashioned. What perhaps she should have been asking was whether we are planning on having a christening, which we're not! So I had to break that to her in my post-massage stupor. It was really nice of her to offer to make a gown and hopefully she's not too upset about it. I don't consider myself to be a religious person. I intend to educate my child about religion generally and let her decide for herself. D is a christian but he doesn't attend church and doesn't believe that our baby will be banished to hell if she's not christened. We like the idea of having some kind of ceremony but we're not clear about what would be right for us at the moment. We've thought about Godparents (or maybe Guideparents!) but we have quite a few friends that we would want to ask so it would be really hard to know where to draw the line. We'll give it some thought. The babies movements are definitely getting bigger! There are more large movements and she appears to still be in the same position (head down on my left side). It's still odd to think that there is actually a baby in there! I only have 6 weeks left at work now which will fly by I'm sure. My stuff for the hospital bag is slowly piling up and at our next midwife appointment at 34 weeks we'll be discussing the labour and birth. Our NCT (National Childbirth Trust) antenatal classes start this week. I'm looking forward to meeting some more mums, hopefully making some new friends and learning a bit more. I'm really hoping that D finds the classes useful too and benefits from meeting some other dads-to-be. We're getting close to this baby being here now!!

A tough week

I've had a tough week with my back pain and the pain has also moved around to my ribs (under my right boob). I googled it and found this page. This is exactly what I'm experiencing and the symptoms and the way to relieve it are exactly what I’ve been experiencing with the back pain too. I guess since the baby has moved it has just made the pain shift around to the front. My time sitting at work has been really tough going. So much so that I devised a plan to request to take annual leave from 3:30pm each day between now and just before I go on maternity leave. It's by 2-3pm in the afternoon that I'm starting to lose my mind with the discomfort. This would mean a total of 5 days annual leave which I would no longer have to add onto the end of my maternity leave but I think that this is a good use of the time. I'm also getting more and more tired and the rib pain, plus general discomfort, is affecting my sleep more and more so working a shorter day would be really welcome. My manager agreed to this for next week to see if it's the right thing for me to do which seems sensible. I'm really looking forward to walking out early and coming home to lie down, do some stretching and some other light exercise, maybe take a short walk and get some stuff done around the house to avoid sitting, maybe take a nap. I think it'll be a good move. At the last midwife appointment, my OH asked her what she knew about the magnesium citrate that I've been taking. She wasn't sure and said that she would look into it. She sent me a text later in the week so say that as there isn't enough research about it she didn't recommend that I take it. I can't bear the thought of going without it at this stage. So we were then left frantically asking anyone who might know for some reassurance. My sister in law asked a medic friend of hers who she trusts and she felt it was fine. And another medic friend said it should be OK. They are both Americans looking at different data from docs in the UK. So I'm still taking it... I feel pretty happy with this decision. I think a lack of research shouldn't be reason alone not to take it. But I understand that my midwife would have to advise me the way she did on those grounds. All of my organs seem to really be feeling the pressure now. Even sitting and lying around seems to put pressure on my lungs and the heartburn comes and goes through every hour. I don't know where she is going to go as she gets bigger! Hopefully I will keep stretching out front as there is no more room for her inside! The lack of being able to find a comfortable position has been getting me down quite a bit. I'm not sure how the remaining 10+ weeks is going to work out! Not sure if I've mentioned this before but I occasionally get very unexpected gushes of fairly watery discharge...which is nice! I'm now using panty liners pretty much all the time as a precaution... My husband is building a wooden box which will be a time capsule for our daughter to open when she turns 18. We have a few ideas about what we will put in it. The pregnancy tests, her scan photos, hospital wrist bands, the outfit that we will bring her home from the hospital in, a newspaper from the day of her birth, her first shoes, favourite baby toys, a savings bond of some kind, letters that we will write to her each year, a 2013 bottle of wine, her baby blanket, music from 2013, a collection of Christmas tree decorations (one bought each year), and I'm sure that we'll add to it. Maybe I'll print this blog too! I'm also planning to do a photo book of the pregnancy and her first year which she can look at before she turns 18. I've been half expecting that my "surprise" baby shower might happen this weekend. My OH told me that a friend of mine is planning one as he knows I'm not great with surprises and he didn't want me to worry that no one would throw one for me! But nothing so far...so I'm thinking maybe in the next 2 of 3 weekends  We did a bit more shopping this weekend for, to be honest, slightly dull things that we are unlikely to get as presents: nappies, muslins, cot sheets, flannels, baby bath and foam support, maternity pads, nightshirts and nightgown for the hospital. For the hospital, my OH bought a cute pink sports bag for the babies stuff and he and I will pack our own separate bags as well. I'll slowly start pulling the necessary stuff together over the next few weeks! It still hits me occasionally that we have come from the journey of IVF to actually buying nappies and stuff! So surreal. So lucky.

Good news

I started off this week feeling a bit nauseous in the mornings. I thought the morning sickness was coming back for the third trimester! But thankfully it’s passed now, so I don’t know what that was all about. We had our 28 week midwife appointment on Tuesday. She met us at the hospital as I needed to have an Anti-D shot as I’m Rhesus negative and so they do it in a clinical setting in case I were to have a reaction of any kind. We met in one of the birthing rooms of the Birthing Centre (the low risk birth unit). It was very quiet in there – no babies being born. There are three birthing rooms, two of which have a pool. They have birthing balls, beanbags and a birthing stool too. They were decent size rooms although not overly big for moving around in. If there were a few of you in there I imagine it would feel pretty crowded. I asked the midwife what the difference is between the birthing centre rooms and the labour ward as I’m not sure which I want to go with. She said that the labour ward rooms have more emergency equipment in tem and they are a little bigger, there is only one pool available on the labour ward and that it’s generally noisier and you can hear noise coming from the other rooms. My initial thought was that I wanted to be in the low risk birth unit but one of the doctors we spoke to after a scan suggested that it would be better to be in the labour ward in case there is an emergency. Although the two wards are very close to each other, she pointed out that in an emergency there isn’t time and it would be much better to be exactly where you need to be. So, now that thought is in my head I wonder whether we should stick with the labour ward to reduce any anxiety about it. I would prefer to be in a quieter environment though. I just don’t know… Being in the hospital seemed to really be a wakeup call for my OH! I think the reality of me being in labour and in pain was brought home to him. He’s talking about getting his hospital kit ready to go now! Anyway, the 28 week antenatal checks were all fine. My bump was measured for the first time, and although she is at the lower end of the ‘range’ (26 cms I think) the midwife assured me that this was perfectly fine. The heartbeat is still good and strong and at around 140 bpm. All very reassuring. A friend came over to see me on Tuesday night. She had told me early on that she was happy to share her birth story and I took her up on the offer. She was lucky and had a good, quick labour and she described it as not really that bad at all. She used a hypnobirthing CD for a few weeks before hand and she said she thinks that it really helped her to stay calm and that her midwife noticed it too. (Something else for the shopping list then!) She also pointed out that everyone focusses on the labour and birth but that it’s really important to prepare for the baby! She wasn’t aware how regularly the baby would need feeding when hers was born! I think I’ve been preparing myself reasonably well – watching videos about how to change nappies, etc, but it was a good point! Labour is just the beginning after all. I had an appointment with a gynae physio for my back pain on Wednesday morning. She was very kind and tried to be helpful, but I didn’t really come away with any advice to really help the pain. She confirmed that she thinks the pain is related to my scoliosis but there isn’t much we can do about a skeletal problem. She suggested trying some different chairs but they were all designs without back support and I know that good back support is the only thing that really helps me. She also suggested leaning forward onto a cushion at my desk, but I know that leaning forward is really uncomfortable. So all in all, not helpful unfortunately. On the plus side, I feel like I’ve tried all the options and got advice from as many people as I can (2 physios, an acupuncturist, my yoga teacher, friends, family….) and that I’m now at the point where I just need to do the things that I know help keep the pain to a minimum and remember that this isn’t forever! I’ve had the pain for about 8 weeks and I have another 8 weeks at work so I just need to battle on with it. I can cope so much better at home where I’m not seated all day. Bring on maternity leave! On Wednesday afternoon we had our 28 week scan. This is one of the additional growth scans that we were offered purely because we were IVF patients. We’ll have a final one at 35 weeks. The sonographer was really lovely and she clearly loves her job. She explained everything she was looking at really clearly and she was almost as excited about seeing it all as we were. We saw some really detailed pictures of the heart and all of the measurements were spot on. She described the baby as “textbook” which was really lovely to hear. One big surprise is that she’s moved to head down position! She has been lying across my belly with her head under my ribs on my right for weeks and weeks and she must have moved very recently as we definitely felt her head in its usual place in the last day or two. But now her head is down (yay!) and she is lying laterally on my left. So she only needs to move her spine around to the anterior position (spine facing forwards) and she’ll be right where she should be for labour. I was very pleased to hear this! I was slightly worried that she might be getting a bit too comfortable where she was and that I wasn’t helping by spending so much time leaning backwards to help my back. My yoga teacher had said that you need to create a ‘hammock’ by leaning forwards to give the baby space to move around. But it seems like the baby knows exactly what she is doing and hopefully she will stay head down now. I need to have faith in her and my body. #proudmomma Speaking of yoga, I’ve decided that I just need to keep my mouth shut during the chatting time! The teacher was talking about the support that partners can give and how some birthing ‘gurus’ suggest that perhaps men shouldn’t be present as they interfere with things when the mother should be left to focus on it by herself. And that men need to be given practical tasks so that they feel useful. So I asked what kind of tasks they should be given if they shouldn’t be involved too much. I was genuinely just a bit confused about what role they should be given but I don’t think my questioning went over very well for some reason. My question has answered very quickly (“they can make sure you drink regularly”) and then we moved on. I’ve come to the conclusion that the teacher likes the sound of her own voice and isn’t a very good listener. Oh well. I think the yoga itself is beneficial and I’m getting to know the other group members which is really nice. I mentioned the IVF to one of the girls and she was asking me about it. I said that now we are where we are, we feel extremely lucky and the journey of IVF is all starting to feel like a distant memory already! I had ordered a birthing ball and it arrived yesterday. I bought it into work today to try sitting on it instead of my chair (as suggested by the physio) but as I suspected it isn’t helping my back due to the lack of back support. But I will use it to exercise on and during the early stages of labour at home. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned that I’ve been working on my birth plan. I used my sister-in-laws plan as a starting point along with a phone app that I have. It’s coming together and I’m hoping that the antenatal classes that we’re starting next month will help answer some of the questions that I’m still not sure about. Getting excited!