Realisations

On Wednesday, I baked a cake in the morning ready for a visit from a couple of work colleagues in the afternoon. It was good to see them and chat about a variety of different things that kept me distracted from the lack of movement! D and I went to a pub quiz with some friends on Tuesday night as well. Then on Thursday I met my Mum for lunch. I still haven't slept well the last couple of nights as my back pain has returned since the baby changed position. I wonder whether it's also because I haven't been taking the magnesium as I've almost run out and was hesitant to spend money on more at this late stage. But after three days of discomfort I'm going to pick up some more today. Even if it only works on a psychological level that's fine with me! Anways, the midwife came to the house this morning to do the stretch and sweep. She started off with the usual checks (blood pressure, checking the heart beat) and all is fine there. My sister-in-law described the stretch and sweep as an 'aggressive pelvic examination'. Well, it certainly felt quite aggressive! She didn't use a speculum so was rummaging around deeply to find the cervix. I couldn't help putting up some resistance and did some deep breathing. I felt quite embarrassed that I had needed to do that when she stopped and told me that my cervix is still very posterior and she couldn't reach it! So there was no chance of a sweep today or to finding out if I'm dilated at all. She said that there isn't any point in trying again on Sunday and suggested that we give it another go on Tuesday and see where things are then. She also said that she will book me in for induction the following Friday in case nothing happens between now and then. Although it was reassuring to know that things aren't happening because the baby is clearly not close to being ready yet, I felt really disappointed and frustrated and a bit weepy again. I think is was the idea of actually being booked for an induction already. D asked me why that bothered me so much and I guess it's because, knowing our family history, I really don't want to rush her out if she's not ready and I'm a little scared of the contractions being more painful following an induction and the increased likelihood of further interventions being needed. I've spent the rest of this morning reading about other people's experiences of induction in online forums - probably not the most sensible idea given how people love to talk about their horror stories! - but it did reassure me in that everyone's experience was so different but they all said that ultimately their memories of the birth of their child are still positive because they had a healthy baby, and after the birth that's all they were focussed on. There were some sad stories of women who hadn't been induced who then went on to lose their babies. I also re-read my birth plan, which already seems ridiculously optimistic and idealistic(!) and realised that if it all goes tits up and I don't have anything close to the experience that I was hoping for, that it doesn't matter as long as the baby arrives safely. I accept that I need to take the advice of the professionals and that although being induced at 40 + 12 days may feel like I'm being put on a conveyor belt, that actually there are good reasons for hospital procedures being what they are to ensure the well-being of me and the baby. As our NCT tutor had said, we are living in the best period in history for maternity care and in one of the best countries for maternity care and so I feel more relaxed now that I will get good care and that I need to accept advice given to me (unless I feel very strongly otherwise!). One of the other NCT girls was also booked in for a sweep this morning, but I've just had a message from her that she has had to go into hospital as her blood pressure has gone up and she has protein in her wee so they have concerns about pre-eclampsia. We have a very healthy, active baby and I am also in good health, so I really don't have anything to be unhappy about! I need to enjoy these last days of freedom and relaxation for however long they decide to last...

Countdown time

I've been on maternity leave for a full week now and it's been a pretty surreal time. It's starting to dawn on me that I'm now off work for a whole year and the reason is because a baby is going to arrive in our lives within a matter of weeks! It took a few days to wind down from work and I actually woke up at 3:30am on Monday! I've been trying to get the balance right between ticking things off my 'to do' list and getting some rest. Other than the usual back pain waking me in the night, I'm starting to sleep a bit better and for longer. But I'm getting tired a lot more quickly so bouts of cleaning don't last that long! I've been meeting with friends most days and some of them have kids so there has been lots of pregnancy and kid talk. I must admit that I'm concerned about my life becoming all about kids and being in the company of people who are happy for that to be the sole topic of conversation. Who knows, maybe I'll feel differently once we have our own child, but so far throughout the pregnancy I've become easily bored when people assume that it's what I want to talk about all the time! I had to have some more blood taken this week to check my iron levels and they have decided that I need an iron supplement. I'm not sure that I should be taking my magnesium supplement alongside it as apparently magnesium effects iron absorption. But I need the magnesium for my back and don't want to stop taking it. My iron levels are only borderline anyway so I'm not too concerned. So I've been doing some cleaning and getting on top of some other things (birthday cards and gifts, finances, shopping, plans for D's birthday party in December). I'm very conscious though that other things will follow behind that need to be done (ie, more cleaning, more shopping) and that there is only so much that I can do to get ready! I double checked my hospital bag last night and other than throwing in a few last minute items I think I'm ready to go. In reality I don't think this baby is going to come early. I think she's more likely to be a bit late in which case we still have a couple of weeks to go. D will be on half-term break from the middle of next week until the due date so we should have the opportunity to relax together. I have plans to see some of the girls from our NCT group tomorrow and the health visitor is coming to see me on Tuesday to explain what will happen with their visits after the birth. I also have another midwife appointment and plans to meet a couple of friends this week, so plenty to keep me occupied.