7 months old

N is 7 months old and her weight is 19lb 3oz. Her personality is really starting to show now. She is often very serious but sometimes so silly. She's very determined, she know what she likes and doesn't like! The weather has been good and we had our first trip to the beach. She really loved paddling in the sea. She loves straps - the straps on her car seat, the straps on her bouncer. She sucks them and plays with them all the time. She's really loving her swimming lessons. She finished stage 1 this month and started stage 2. She's great at kicking! We had pictures of her taken swimming underwater which came out well, and they provided a short video too which is beautiful and emotional to watch :) She loves when I sing songs to her, particularly 'row row row your boat' and 'the grand old duke of York'. She loves the cats and likes to watch them and grab their fur. They are very tolerant and keep a safe distance. She is making new sounds: baba and mmm, sucking back your saliva, gargling saliva which is entertaining. She really loves screaming! Just because she can and when she is tired, and when playing with daddy. I worry what the neighbours must think! She is so beautiful. She has beautiful skin, lovely long eye lashes and a sweet rosebud mouth. She has become a little scared of male strangers recently for some reason. She is rolling all over the place and has started to move backwards on her belly and is comfortable sitting up unsupported for long periods. She is doing well with eating solids. She has breakfast and dinner now. I think it's fair to say that her favourite foods are Greek yoghurt, strawberries and tomatoes. I do often feel uncertain with feeding - is she getting enough of the right things? I keep reminding myself that it's "Just for fun til one", but I still worry if I'm giving her enough. She has some purées but mostly finger foods. At first I really found it time consuming and annoying when she didn't want what I gave her and my effort was wasted. But it's fun and it's getting easier with every meal. Most of the time she eats well. I'm glad to say that although it's still not happening often due to time, sex is getting easier all by itself which reinforces my theory that nature was trying to stop me! We moved her into the nursery from our room which I found tough but we've both for used to it now. Although she isn't sleeping well at all. I don't think it's the move but I'm not sure what it is. She'll settle easily but will wake within a couple of hours and sometimes more than once in the early hours, and waking again at 5-6. She'll usually nap a few times after that and I'll nap with her! It's been pretty rough and I'm tired all the time. I think it could be teething, particularly as we can feel one coming through now, but she isn't fussy during the day and doesn't seem to have any other majors symptoms apart from chewing on everything. I've been trying to nap with her later in the day but we have a lot going on this month (birthdays, holidays)!and I'm finding that my head is just buzzing and I can't get to sleep. I found out the hard way how sleep deprivation can make you do stupid and dangerous things. I put N in her high chair and attached the tray without strapping her in! I didn't notice and when I took the tray off after her meal, I took it over to the sink and N fell out the chair face first onto the tile floor. I heard the bang and couldn't believe my eyes. I immediately realised what I had done. She bawled and so quickly got a red puffy face and I couldn't tell if she was hurt. I took her into A&E with my mum and they checked her over and confirmed that she was fine which was a huge relief but it was devastating. I still feel sick thinking about it. I was very careful about what I said at A&E because I was worried what the fallout might be. I told a few friends immediately, trying to release the guilt I think. They were very supportive and it seems that most mums have a similar story, and most of them seem to have kept it completely secret. It's so sad that mums worry about being judged so much, sometimes by their nearest and dearest, that they keep their mistakes to themselves and suffer the guilt in silence. Just a couple of days later she lurched forward while I was holding her and hit her head on a toy. She got a few small bruises down her face :( The whole experience has made me very fearful of accidentally hurting her of her hurting herself. Oh god, I'm turning into my mother...

Countdown time

I've been on maternity leave for a full week now and it's been a pretty surreal time. It's starting to dawn on me that I'm now off work for a whole year and the reason is because a baby is going to arrive in our lives within a matter of weeks! It took a few days to wind down from work and I actually woke up at 3:30am on Monday! I've been trying to get the balance right between ticking things off my 'to do' list and getting some rest. Other than the usual back pain waking me in the night, I'm starting to sleep a bit better and for longer. But I'm getting tired a lot more quickly so bouts of cleaning don't last that long! I've been meeting with friends most days and some of them have kids so there has been lots of pregnancy and kid talk. I must admit that I'm concerned about my life becoming all about kids and being in the company of people who are happy for that to be the sole topic of conversation. Who knows, maybe I'll feel differently once we have our own child, but so far throughout the pregnancy I've become easily bored when people assume that it's what I want to talk about all the time! I had to have some more blood taken this week to check my iron levels and they have decided that I need an iron supplement. I'm not sure that I should be taking my magnesium supplement alongside it as apparently magnesium effects iron absorption. But I need the magnesium for my back and don't want to stop taking it. My iron levels are only borderline anyway so I'm not too concerned. So I've been doing some cleaning and getting on top of some other things (birthday cards and gifts, finances, shopping, plans for D's birthday party in December). I'm very conscious though that other things will follow behind that need to be done (ie, more cleaning, more shopping) and that there is only so much that I can do to get ready! I double checked my hospital bag last night and other than throwing in a few last minute items I think I'm ready to go. In reality I don't think this baby is going to come early. I think she's more likely to be a bit late in which case we still have a couple of weeks to go. D will be on half-term break from the middle of next week until the due date so we should have the opportunity to relax together. I have plans to see some of the girls from our NCT group tomorrow and the health visitor is coming to see me on Tuesday to explain what will happen with their visits after the birth. I also have another midwife appointment and plans to meet a couple of friends this week, so plenty to keep me occupied.