9 months old

This has been a big month for N! She's 9 months now and this last month has seen a lot of development - physically and mentally. She's 20.8 lbs and 29 inches (around the 91st percentile for both). She started banging things together and slapping herself in the head and face! She clapped and waved for the first time. She started getting up on her knees and helping herself to toys in her toy box. She started to try to say 'cat' and has been saying it a lot and in context so this will definitely go down as her first word! She's also started using mama and dada in context. As a last minute plan we went to a family friendly festival so that was both her first festival and her first camping trip. She took to it very well although the music was playing until the early hours and so we were all sleep deprived by the end of it... On August 5th, she crawled for the first time! This was right before we were due to fly to the USA so we were a little concerned about how she might travel and take to being stuck in a seat for a long time. But she did amazingly well. She was so relaxed and slept when she needed to. In the USA she met the rest of her aunts and uncles on D's side and also her little cousins. Their company certainly had an impact on her mobility. She started trying to pull herself up more and more and by the end of the trip she was standing for short periods unaided. And not just on solid ground but on beds, sofas and rocking chairs! She's also developed socially and seems like a different kid than the one we took away with us. She's interacting more - smiling and laughing, pulling faces, looking to me for reassurance and reaction. Everyone comments about how aware of everything she is. She doesn't miss a single noise or new sight. We feel so lucky to have her and even luckier that we have such a wonderful child. She is so happy and content and such fun. Everyone who spends time with her falls in love with her! For a short while this month, all food was for play (except satsumas which are a firm favourite) but now she is back to eating anything put in front of her. She had a virus this month which made her really upset and she came out in a rash which made us nervous. We took her to the doctor and he explained that their immune systems are weak at this age and so they often come out in a rash. My sister was at the festival that we went to and I'm glad to say that she now seems more interested in N. As I said, everyone falls in love with N and I think my sister has been equally charmed. I feel more confident in my abilities as a mother now. I'm not usually concerned that people are silently criticising me. Although I do feel like they want to do things differently and they often suggest it but I'm more able to let it go now and not take it personally. However, I am terrified that I'll make a horrible mistake and hurt her again. She has hurt herself slightly a few times since she has become more mobile. Some of which could have been avoided and other times not, and I do really worry about what might happen next. I guess this is parenthood!

Bloomin' hormones

On Monday night, I really didn't sleep well as the baby was moving A LOT! And on Tueday morning I was pretty sure that she had changed position. She was lying on my right side, back to front, and I was pretty sure that she had moved over to my left side, still back to front. Which is great, as this is the optimal position for labout. I saw the midwife yesterday and she confirmed this position and did the usual checks and everything is fine. She also offered to do a stretch and sweep that day (or Friday or Sunday) if I wanted one. I surprised myself and agreed to have one on Friday. I have always said that I would want to wait until 41 weeks before having any intervention at all, but the midwife said that the sweep usually doesn't work on the first occasion and that it is suggested that you have it done a few times before trying anything else. So I want to give myself plenty of time to do that before having any drugs administered as I really want to avoid that if possible. They will want to start looking at other options when I'm 12 days overdue (next Friday) so by having the first sweep on Friday I have another 5-6 days to keep trying the sweep method a few times. Although I'm quite happy with my decision today, I came home from the midwife yesterday feeling a bit wobbly about it all and asking myself if I'm jumping in too soon by going against my original decision. I came home and tried to relax with my hypno-birthing CD but had trouble focussing on it. Just as it ended, and I was coming around a bit, my Mum knocked on the door and peered through the blinds. Now, I know people feel differently about this but I personally think that popping in unannounced is really rude! I answered the door in a daze and she apologised for waking me up. I told her that she hadn't woken me up but that if had have done I would not have been happy! I'm generally very polite to my Mum and wouldn't want to hurt her feelings and so she looked a little shocked. She came in and asked how it had gone with the midwife. I felt very foggy headed and dozy and had trouble trying to explain what I had decided. She must have got the message that it was a bad time as she didn't stay long and let herself out. I'm worried that I'll need to set some ground rules now that I'm at home every day. If D was home with me, I'm sure she wouldn't just pop in like that. She usually always calls ahead. When the baby arrives, I definitely want to try and rest and nap when she does and I really don't want unexpected visits to become the norm...*sigh* I was furious with her when she left, I think just because it added to my sense of being out of control of things generally. When it came to explaining what had happened with the midwife to D, I had the same problem explaining my decision and kept losing my train of thought and as the evening rolled on I felt more and more wobbly and a bit weepy. D was great and was really supportive and understanding. But I hate losing control of my emotions. I know that I like to feel in control but I didn't realise quite how important it was to me until this week. I've just been messaging one of the other NCT girls who is also slightly overdue now and she said that it's bothering her more than she thought it would as well. For me, I feel that the way my labour goes is already starting to be taken out of my hands and I'm worried that all the things that I want to avoid are going to end up happening (ie, being induced with drugs, having to go into the labour ward rather than the birth centre, not being about to use a birth pool, having a long labour and needing pain relief that will effect the baby, needing an assisted birth or a C-section). I guess I need to remind myself that I do have a certain amount of control and that I can make small decisions as they arise. Other than that I need to just breathe and go with it!

Getting personal

Can't believe it's 14 weeks already now! Over the last 2 weeks I've really been starting to get my energy back (apart from needing the occasional nap) which has been great as it's given me the motivation to do a few things at home to get things ready. Like finally finishing painting the rocking chair! New symptoms include indigestion in a big way - fullness, burping, bloating, heatburn. It's pretty uncomfortable. Trying to eat small portions but I often forget... And often I really want to eat something but feel like I don't have room. The bump is still barely noticeable to everyone else, but we can really see the changes, particularly when comparing weekly photos. It seems to be moving upwards now. I think in the next week or so it'll really start to pop out. Clothing is starting to get tricky. I've bought a waist expander belt for my regular trousers and a bump belt which I haven't used yet. I also bought a pair of maternity leggings but they are really baggy! It's annoying that a lot of stores don't stock their maternity lines, you have to order online. I have trouble finding stuff to fit anyway as I'm short so I think my purchases are going to be a bit hit and miss. My Mum took me out for lunch this weekend and we went in a few baby shops afterwards to browse. She's so excited and bought us a few gifts. She has also pulled out some baby things that she had at home including my own baby blanket :) It seems that she has also been quietly buying some baby things over the years since we've been trying. She has lots of lovely books already, to keep at grannys house :) I'm named this post 'getting personal' as I'm already noticing how people seem to find it very easy to speak their mind to you when you're pregnant, either their advice or their observations. Someone that I barely know asked me if I thought I had put on weight! Cheeky! I've only put on a few pounds which I think is right for this time. It's not like I have a huge ass suddenly. I hope! It's amazing that when I was having fertility treatment people found it so difficult to talk openly, or even to talk about it at all, because it's such a personal subject. But now, it seems to be no problem at all! We are very lucky and have some amazing friends and family in our life. My wonderful sister in law (and friend) and her husband sent us this lovely care package today :)