11 months old

N is beautiful, adorable and fun with a gorgeous smile. She has two smiles actually. Her wide open-mouthed smile showing off her four teeth, and her closed-mouth smirk (my personal favourite). She loves to cuddle! She will do it on request and will reach out unexpectedly on a regular basis. She is practising standing, and we count quickly for her to encourage her. We've counted to 160 so far! She's started to confidently cruise around the furniture and she has even taken her first step unaided. We go to Bounce and Rhyme at the library most weeks where we sing nursery rhymes and we go to play group once a week now too. N is starting to interact with other children which is fascinating to watch. She's not at all shy and will bound in to play with others. We still go to Turtle Tots for swimming lessons on Sunday mornings and it's so good to see N progressing. She's very confident and I can feel her wanting to pull away from me and swim on her own. She also spends one afternoon a week with my mum. This gives me a break to catch up on things and Granny LOVES her time with N so much. Sadly, N had conjunctivitis again and a run of colds and she had a few days of miserable teething which hasn't yet resulted in any more teeth. This illness and unhappiness meant a period of time when her sleep was really disrupted. It was even harder than usual to get her to bed at night and she was waking every few hours. Her sleeping is erratic at the best of times but this particularly tough period meant that I really didn't have any time to myself in the evenings and I was going to bed even more anxious than usual about what the night ahead was going to bring. D was sleeping on the sofa so that he could get a good nights sleep which is really important as he drives a lot for work, but I felt very lonely. I've also been thinking about the return to work and went into work for a couple of half days to 'keep in touch'. This brought my anxieties about the return to work to the front of my mind and the time in the office meant that I lost the time that I usually have to myself when my mum has N. D was extremely busy with work and I found it tough to keep on top of things. I was feeling pretty low for a while and felt like I was giving myself to others 100% of the time. An old stress related dermatitis came back on my eyelids. I hadn't had it since I was going through IVF. I went to the doctor to get some cream for it and she said that it was probably good that the stress was coming out physically rather than in other ways but that it probably means that I'm bottling things up, which is absolutely right. The babies in our NCT group have starting having their first birthdays! I've felt very emotional about it at times. The first year, almost over already. My maternity leave has officially come to an end now. Thankfully I have a good chunk of annual leave to take before I go back and at least I start getting paid again now! N is clearly understanding some words now. In particular, no and cuddle. She loves apple slices at the moment. She will sit for ages chomping away on them. She loves flicking through the pages of her books. Well, any books. And she loves stealing my slippers off my feet! Her absolute favourite place to sleep is on daddy's chest. She is an absolute joy to spend my days with.

5 months old

At 21 weeks, N is 26.5 inches and 17lb 1 oz. I've heard of the time between 3 and 6 months as being the golden months and I can understand that. N is a proper baby now in all her cuddly cuteness and she is showing personality and is a lot of fun. But as she still isn't mobile she is still fairly easy to care for! We love her more every day :) She is getting much more capable of moving how she wants to, turning to look at things, reaching for things when she's on her tummy. She is pushing up a bit more when she's on her belly and showing signs of trying to roll over occasionally. She has very strong abs and loves to crunch them to look at her feet with her legs stretched out. She is making new noises all the time and loves to babble away to herself. N is learning about the world with her mouth and her little lizard tongue keeps popping out in search of new things :) Her wrists and thighs are very cutely chubby. More hair is coming through with glimmers of blonde. She got her first cold :( It was heartbreaking to see her pale, watery-eyed face. She woke quite a lot in the night, struggling to breath. I also got the cold so it's been a slightly tougher couple of weeks for us both and I've been the most sleep deprived to date. On the plus side, D has been off work for Easter so that's been a big help and enabled a few naps! I feel like I'm really understanding N's needs more now and anticipating them more. My instincts about what is going on with her have proven to be right which increases my confidence to trust them and ignore suggestions from other people :) Her swimming lessons are going well and she had her first free underwater swim last week which was great to watch through my goggles. N has started to use her door bouncer which she seems to be having fun with even though she looks slightly surprised at her freedom in it and I find it really odd to see her standing in it without our help! Her nick name is firmly The Bean or Beaner, from me calling her N-bean from the early days. She is really enjoyable company and we're good buddies now :) I didn't ever have an immediate, overwhelming bond with her which worried me in the beginning. Our bond has definitely been developing gradually and I prefer it that way now as I feel it's based on our time together and the trust that has developed rather than a chemical or hormonal reaction. I've wanted to wait until 6 months to give N any solid food but D is very keen and keeps putting naughty food on her lips (butter, cream, jam, chocolate). So I relented to gain some control and gave her a first stick of cucumber to chew on! I'm a little torn as the advice is to wait until 6 months to avoid infections and allergies but N appears to ready to get started. She is watching us eat all the time and I think she's almost strong enough to sit up and eat now. My reasons for not starting might also be wrapped up in not wanting her to grow up too quickly! I'm gathering all my notes about weaning and will buy a few things that we need in the next week or so. Maybe we'll make a start with some baby rice in a couple of weeks. I'm noticing some slight changes in myself which I think are hormonal, mainly that the benefits to my hair are disappearing! All through my pregnancy and during the early months with N my hair has been full and glossy and hanging beautifully and I've only needed to wash it every few days. But now it's starting to fall out, it's hanging limply and my greasy roots have made a return requiring more regular washing. Meh! My pelvic floor seems to be improving. I work on the exercises when I'm lying in N's crib at night feeding her to sleep. However, if I try and do a little jump it feels a bit like a trampoline! D and I still haven't attempted sex again (due to time more than anything, N isn't great at naps!) but I feel like I might be more ready for it physically now. I've emailed my boss about my return to work. I'm going to take the full year off and I've asked to return part-time. I've also been accruing annual leave while I'm off and so I can add this the my maternity leave. This will enable me to stay off until early December. I feel extremely lucky to be able to take so much time with N while she is little, but I'm also dreading the return to work when it does come around. N will be with my Mum for the three days per week that I'll be at work and I'm sure I'm going to be jealous of their time together. My Mum was at home with my sister and I when we were small and I feel like it should be my turn now rather than her turn again! But needs must.

Another cold!

I was really hoping to make it through this pregnancy without a second cold. It really does suck not being able to take anything. I'm off work and using all the natural remedies that I can think of to get through it - menthol lozenges, a nasal douch, steam, the occasional waft of Vicks and the occasional paracetamol when I get desperate. I have a lot to get done at work before I go on maternity leave in only three weeks(!) but I know that I'm making the right decision to stay at home and rest. My midwife called this week to say that the results of my last blood test had come back. Apparently my platelets have dropped again, now down to 133. I'll have to have another blood test soon to check them again and if they drop below 100 then I'll have to give birth in the labour ward, not the midwife led unit. I was wavering about where I wanted to give birth but now that the midwife unit might not be an option I'm realising that that is really where I would prefer to be. So fingers crossed that my platelets settle. The midwife said that it is common for platelets to drop in the latter stages of pregnancy as your blood flow increases and the platelets are basically diluted. She also said that my iron levels are 10.8 and they shouldn't drop below 10.5. If they do, they'll need to give me an iron supplement. I'm not a huge meat lover so I've been having broccoli and pumpkin seeds the last few days! Not sure if that will do the job. I just don't have a huge appetite with so little room inside me and now I have a cold I'm really off food even more. We've had a couple more antenatal classes in the last week. I've really been enjoying them and am reassured with everything that I've been hearing. My birth plan is just about complete as a result. As well as focussing on the labour and birth, we've been talking a lot about what will happen when the babies comes into our lives which has been lovely to think about :)