6 months old

N is six months old. Half a year already! Although the time has gone by quickly, I also feel like she's been in our lives for so much longer. It's amazing to see how much she has developed in six months and how capable she is of so many things. We had our first trip away from home with N this month. We visited her Uncle and Aunt and it all went pretty smoothly. She travelled well in the car and coped well with the change of scene. N is very strong and she's standing and sitting when supported. She rolled from her back onto her front this month and a few days later she rolled from her front to her back. She doesn't always remember how she did it and gets REALLY frustrated when she is stuck on one side or the other. But she's making progress with moving around almost every day and often I'll turn my back for a few seconds and not know how she has come to be facing in a different direction! It's definitely time to start baby-proofing the house. She has tried to get into the fireplace a few times... She is responding to her name when we call her and she has smiles for everyone when we are out and about. People often comment on her lovely smile and how sweet she is. I've put together a sensory basket and a fabric sample basket for her and she loves delving through them and investigating all the items by shoving them in her mouth. She loves watching The Simpsons, I guess it must be the bright colours. You really knows what she wants and is very determined. She has learnt how to scream this month and she has had lots of fun playing screaming games with D! She definitely has a sense of humour. She's having some solid food every evening now. Her first meal was baby rice with my milk and puréed apples and bananas. I'm giving her a mixture of spoon fed purees (baby rice, baby porridge, mashed vegetables, pureed fruit) and also finger foods. I had intended on doing just baby-led weaning but gave her some rice and porridge intially and she loves it. Plus I can see how frustrating it is for her trying to handle food and so I want to be able to give her something that she can actually eat. I'll reduce the mash/puree as she becomes better able to feed herself. She's also gagging quite a bit with the finger foods so I'm not entirely sure how ready she is for them but don't want to wait on solids any more as she is definitely interested and I'm conscious that she needs to get going with it sooner rather than later. She has quite a selection of fruit and vegetables and the only things that she doesn't seem as keen on so far are blueberries. We'll try them again soon though. She weighs 18lb and 10z now and she's about 26 inches tall. She's heavy! I'm physically shattered! She has had three colds in the last couple of months and her sleeping has been eratic. I go to bed not really knowing what kind of night lies ahead. Sometimes she'll sleep from 10:30pm-6am and then go back to sleep after a feed and sometimes she might wake several times in the night including staying awake for quite a while and babbling away to herself! I'm feeling the effects of sleep deprivation and looking very tired! My 40th birthday is approaching and for the first time I'm really feeling my age! The back of her neck is ridiculously soft. Her hair is getting thicker, blonder and longer. We're using the big bath now as she has grown out of the baby bath. We keep the water low so she can lie right back and kick freely which she loves. We FaceTime and Oovoo with D and his family in America and N is starting to respond to the people on the other end :) I think that she is starting to experience separation anxiety already. She often cries the moment that I leave the room and immediately stops when I reappear. We started Sing and Sign classes last week. My sister in law said that signing really helped with her kids and it makes a lot of sense to me to give her the opportunity to be able to communicate with us more effectively before she starts to talk. We also tried a class called Creation Station where the babies can have messy play with paint, etc. She seemed to like it and we'll probably go back again when Sing and Sign has finished. At the moment I'm feeling like I need to stop trying to cram so much into each week. It's difficult as I like to have something on every day to get us out the house and I think Nia is happier for it and less fussy. But if we have a busy day it definitely takes its toll on both of us. I'm definitely feeling more worn out at this point than I have since she was born and the last few days she has been quite fussy and she generally seems irritable and frustrated so the smiles and giggles seem a bit few and far between at the moment. D insisted that we celebrate American Mother's Day as well as the British one and took me out for dinner while Granny babysat. It was weird and lovely to have some time together. Mostly we talked about how great N is and how wonderful our lives are with her in it :) Granny (my Mum) loves her visits to see N. So much that sometimes I don't feel like she would be bothered if I was around or not!! I try and shake this off but it's not always easy. Mum has started to take N out for a couple of hours a week which she loves and it gives me a little bit of time to get some things done at home (like writing this blog!). I put in my request with work to take the whole year of maternity leave and to take my accrued annual leave before returning to work. I've also asked to go back to work part time (3 days a week). So if this is approved, I'll be going back in early December. I've been given the impression informally that this will all be OK but my boss is being a bit vague about confirming it officially which is frustrating. Hopefully it will all work out.

Stress...

I've been feeling a bit stressed this last week. There seems to be a lot going on and time seems to be fast running out. Work is extremely busy - lots of balls in the air. I only have one more week left and then a week to handover to the person covering my post. D and I are making plans for his birthday in December. It's a big birthday but we're trying to keep it fairly low key as we know we'll be busy with the baby, but even still there is quite a bit to plan. There are still things to do to get ready for the baby - I'm very conscious that our hospital bags still aren't completely ready. If the baby decides to come early I want to feel (almost) as prepared as I would be otherwise. And my head is full of information from the antenatal classes and the books that I've been reading. My diary for October while I'm on maternity leave is fast filling up with friends birthday parties, colleagues leaving dos and last minute lunches with friends. And I have a long list of stuff to do while I'm off work before the baby comes. Just generally feeling a bit overwhelmed... I need to chill out, not worry about getting absolutely everything done and turn down invites if I need to.

The right to moan

I had a bit of a public moan on Facebook last week. I had a list of physical issues that were getting to me and was feeling a bit sorry for myself. After posting it, I felt a bit guilty. How, after all the time we have spent trying to get to this point, can I dare to complain about anything?? I voiced this to some friends the following evening and they encouraged me - "milk the sympathy for all it's worth" they said! I still felt a bit bad. I'm trying to focus on all the positive aspects and just see the physical problems as a small part of it all. This has been helped along by the NCT classes. We've had another evening class and a Sunday morning class and we've discussed a variety of topics around labour and birth and early childcare. It's got me thinking more about the bigger picture. Also, a friend has given us three huge bags of baby clothes that she no longer needs. Washing and folding so many cute little things really brought home the wonderful journey ahead of us and the next few weeks and the labour feel like the blink of an eye in comparison. All of a sudden things seem to be getting increasingly busy. With finishing things up at work (I have 4 weeks left) and last minute preparations. It's all really exciting and kind of surreal. This bump in front of me is actually going to produce a beautiful child!