Heartbeat!

We had our 16 week visit from the midwife today and she listened to the heartbeat - so we did too! It was so lovely. Partly due to the fact that I needed some more reassurance that everything is OK (I've been feeling more normal lately and less pregnant!) And partly because it was just so cool :) The heartbeat was really strong and the midwife said that it sounded perfect! My OH videoed it so we could listen again at our leisure and also share it with family and friends. It was really hard to concentrate at work today and I kept having another sneaky listen when ever I got the chance :) We did a bit of baby shopping yesterday - got the cotbed and some bedding. Lots more to buy but the nursery is filling up - I can't resist a little peak in the door each time I walk past.

A little dip

I haven't been feeling too great these last few days. The indigestion, bloating and heartburn has been really making me uncomfortable, and I've been feeling a bit low in mood for no apparent reason. The nausea has continued a little bit and I've had some really low energy again. I really thought that I was coming out of that period, and I guess when I think about it I really am feeling a lot more energetic than I was, but still not great. Hopefully things will continue to improve. I feel bad complaining about it after wanting to be in this position for so long but feeling crappy is never fun and it's dawned on me that I haven't really felt normal since before the last IVF cycle! My other half knows that I don't really like surprises and so he has told me that a friend has asked him if he thinks I would like a baby shower. I'm not supposed to know, and I won't know when it's going to happen, but I'm really thrilled that she would do this for me. We're at 15 weeks now and the bump is slowly but surely getting a little more noticeable! We meet the midwife on Monday and will hopefully get to hear the babies heartbeat :)

Getting personal

Can't believe it's 14 weeks already now! Over the last 2 weeks I've really been starting to get my energy back (apart from needing the occasional nap) which has been great as it's given me the motivation to do a few things at home to get things ready. Like finally finishing painting the rocking chair! New symptoms include indigestion in a big way - fullness, burping, bloating, heatburn. It's pretty uncomfortable. Trying to eat small portions but I often forget... And often I really want to eat something but feel like I don't have room. The bump is still barely noticeable to everyone else, but we can really see the changes, particularly when comparing weekly photos. It seems to be moving upwards now. I think in the next week or so it'll really start to pop out. Clothing is starting to get tricky. I've bought a waist expander belt for my regular trousers and a bump belt which I haven't used yet. I also bought a pair of maternity leggings but they are really baggy! It's annoying that a lot of stores don't stock their maternity lines, you have to order online. I have trouble finding stuff to fit anyway as I'm short so I think my purchases are going to be a bit hit and miss. My Mum took me out for lunch this weekend and we went in a few baby shops afterwards to browse. She's so excited and bought us a few gifts. She has also pulled out some baby things that she had at home including my own baby blanket :) It seems that she has also been quietly buying some baby things over the years since we've been trying. She has lots of lovely books already, to keep at grannys house :) I'm named this post 'getting personal' as I'm already noticing how people seem to find it very easy to speak their mind to you when you're pregnant, either their advice or their observations. Someone that I barely know asked me if I thought I had put on weight! Cheeky! I've only put on a few pounds which I think is right for this time. It's not like I have a huge ass suddenly. I hope! It's amazing that when I was having fertility treatment people found it so difficult to talk openly, or even to talk about it at all, because it's such a personal subject. But now, it seems to be no problem at all! We are very lucky and have some amazing friends and family in our life. My wonderful sister in law (and friend) and her husband sent us this lovely care package today :)

Happiness

Well, our 12 week scan day was definitely the joyful day that we were hoping for! It was on a Tuesday and we were both working so met up in the afternoon to go to the hospital. The ultrasound waiting room was not the happiest place to be. It was really busy and hot and everyone had clearly already been waiting longer than they were happy about. We were kept waiting a long time too, nearly an hour. They weighed me, asked for my height and took my urine and blood samples. The nursing assistants were less than chipper! They ask you to attend with a semi-full bladder and when we finally went in for the scan I really needed to pee, but then when the doc started scanning me she said that because I have a retroverted uterus my full bladder wasn't helping the image anyway. My bladder just wasn't in the right place in relation to my uterus to help. So after looking around for a while and confirming the heartbeat (phew!), she asked me if I minded having an internal scan so that she could get a better image. Like I give a sh*t about internal scans anymore! She let me pee and then she did the internal scan which gave us a MUCH clearer image. It was so unreal to see our little one looking like a proper little person and moving around! An awesome moment. My OH was literally in shock afterwards with the reality setting in :) Here are a couple of the pics. The first one is the external scan - a little fuzzy but I like seeing the profile and the little hand :) And this is the internal scan. Although the detail amazing, I can't help thinking that it looks like it has the jaw and mouth of a puppy. I've seen it and now I can't unsee it! The doctor said that everything looked really great and she adjusted the due date slightly from 5th November to 3rd November. So we left happy with a date for our 20 week scan of 19th June. We both had to rush back to work which my OH was stressed and unhappy about. But we took a little bit of time to send a few messages to my family and close friends. People at work were thrilled for us and it was so lovely to be able to finally share it with everyone. I finally got to spend some time with my OH at about 9pm! We rattled off a Facebook message (this felt like the biggest milestone of all, I have imagined doing this so many times) and spent the rest of the evening watching the lovely comments coming back. I even had a phone call from an old friend who lives in Amsterdam to congratulate us! I can't help feeling a bit sad that I haven't heard from a few family members, in particular my sister. I let her know about the pregnancy by sending her a video of us telling Mum, and I've sent her pictures and messages following each scan. She has only replied with very happy but very brief messages. No phone call. No, how are you feeling? No, when is the baby due? No, I'm so happy for you after all you've been through. People can be strange sometimes. The last few days I have been feeling extremely full and have found it really difficult to eat. It was so uncomfortable. I also had a few more days of being extremely tired. But last night I slept like a log for the first time in a few weeks and today I've had a lot more energy and the fullness has gone. One thing that I have noticed with all these pregnancy symptoms is that they are all pretty fleeting, thankfully! My next appointment is with (yet another new) midwife at 16 weeks. Apparently I'll get to hear the heartbeat :)

Anxiety

So much for my bump showing itself... the following date I felt like a deflated balloon. I must have done a massive fart in the night! For the last couple of days I've been feeling a bit low. I've woken up early feeling really anxious but with nothing really playing on my mind. People have also commented that I seem a bit down. I really just feel over-tired and grumpy I think. Although of course I do have some concerns. Namely: money, whether I'm going to be able to keep up with the pace of having a baby/small child, how having a baby is going to change our relationships with friends, whether I'm going to appreciate everything that we've been waiting for as much as I should, whether the birth and the baby will be OK. It's all pretty emotionally exhausting and no doubt my hormones aren't helping. Hopefully this period of being a bit blue will be short-term. We have our 12 week scan on Tuesday. I want it to be the joyful day that it should be.

Bump!

My bump is starting to show itself! In the last week it has gone from being a small, firm area just above my pubic bone to now being the width between my hip bones and getting higher. Today is the first day that I've actually felt like I'm carrying something. A nice feeling :) We saw the midwife yesterday. A different one this time and she visited us at home. Lots of paperwork, past medical history, what not to eat, etc. It looks like I might get transferred to a different midwife team and so I'll meet yet another new midwife. Apparently my consultant might book me in for additional scans as it's an IVF cycle, which is great! Some friends of ours are selling their pram/pushchair as they have just had another baby and needed a double buggy. We've decided to buy it off them as it's a great buggy and a good price. We really didn't intend to buy anything this early on! Another friend was offering a bottle steriliser on Facebook so we've snapped that up. The nursery is going to be filling up with stuff soon it seems.

Making space

I'm almost over this cold now, thank goodness. I actually threw up following a wave of nausea this week. It came over me so fast. I immediately felt fine again afterwards and wolfed down a bag of mini-cheddars! Weird. I don't seem to be having the same level of extreme tiredness as before, but maybe that's because I'm taking the week off work and the weather has been bad so I've been generally taking it very easy anyway. I've noticed some headaches though and some waves of anxiety which brings on heart palpitations which I have always suffered with now and again. I've also noticed some breathlessness which has been extra hard to deal with with a cold! I can definitely feel, but not yet see, a firm swelling above my pubic bone. My other half is obsessed with it! He wants to have a feel at least twice a day :) I got fitted for a maternity bra this week. I was literally busting out of my usual bras and they were getting really uncomfortable. The new bras are only a cup size larger. They are very plain, non-wired, unsexy things but they are much more confortable! We've been doing some window shopping for baby stuff this week. Cotbeds, car seats and pushchairs. It's all a little overwhelming and I'm determined not to be drawn in by the sales talk. It's going to be very easy to spend a lot of money without even going over the top about it and I really want to focus on what this baby truly needs. We've also been clearing out our smallest bedroom which will be the nursery. We've been using it for storage so we've found new homes for everything. When we bought our house nearly 5 years ago, we were regularly in junk shops and reclamation yards. I found an old rocking chair and bought it with a picture in my head of me feeding our future baby. In all these years of trying to conceive, the chair has been sat in a corner looking very sad. I always said that I wouldn't fix it up until there was a baby on the way and so it gave me great pleasure yesterday to start sanding it. My other half took a picture of me doing it for a future baby book :)