More Buserilin effects

Not feeling too bad at all, although after a fairly busy day yesterday I completely crashed at about 7pm. I felt really achy and exhausted. Fell asleep on the couch and then got an early night. Feel fine again today although I lost my temper with one of the cats for fighting with the other one. Completely over-reacted, although it could have been PMT...

Buserilin effects

I started the Buserilin last Saturday (12th). Effects noticed so far are, difficulty in focusing mentally at times, an underlying headache (like I'm dehydrated), looking more tired even though I haven't had less sleep or been more active.

Bitchy Buserilin

At our last clinic visit, the nurse told me that my regime would include 2-4 weeks of Buserilin. This would depend on when they could fit me in for the embryo transfer and they would try to keep it as short as possible. I got my regime in the post today. It includes 4 full weeks of Buserilin. Not happy! It's hard enough to stay positive and happy through an IVF cycle without the maximum dose of this shitty drug thrown into the mix. Already apologising to my husband...

Round 3 begins

We met with the consultant a few weeks ago and he threw something at us that we weren't expecting. We were planning on using our two frozen embryos for this next cycle and paying for it ourselves. If we aren't successful this third time, we were planning to have a fourth full cycle with egg collection using the funding that we are still entitled to. Well, the consultant suggested that some couples like to hang onto their frozen embryos - as they won't lose quality - to turn to after they have done all the egg collection cycles that they want to do. It maybe that the frozen embryos as used to try for a sibling. We thought about it for a few days and decided that, at this stage, we will feel very lucky to have one baby let alone trying to plan for an IVF sibling! We want to make life as easy as possible for ourselves so decided to go ahead as planned and use the frosties this time. Prior to meeting with the nurse for our planning visit, I was looking forward to a shorter cycle with drugs that I'm familiar with and knowing what to expect. But we met with the nurse this week and she had a little surprise for me. One of the drugs that is used after the embryo transfer (progesterone) has previously been a pessary which was fine. But now, a new form of the drug is available which is a daily injection. This is thought to be more effective as it gets straight into your blood stream. The downside is that it's an injection into your ass muscle. A bigger needle and help from husband required. Yuck. The nurse proceded to tell me NOT to read about this on the forums and that the couples she has spoken to say that the actual injection isn't that painful, it's the soreness afterwards that's more of an issue. We shall see! There just always seems to be something new and unexpected with IVF! Just when you think you know what's coming... Being at the clinic again got me down. I was depressed to be thinking about beginning another cycle and the emotional rollercoaster beginning once again. Each Christmas I think, 'maybe next Christmas there will be a baby, or a baby on the way'. Approaching another Christmas with neither is sad. However, the run up to Christmas has been fun and enjoyable so far and we have champagne cocktails planned for Christmas Day :)

Moving on

So it's been nearly a month since the test and I still haven't shed a tear. But I have been feeling other negative emotions. Mainly anxiety. I've been getting daily heart palpitations. And I've not been dealing with stress very well. I've been worrying a lot more than usual. And I feel like I've been pretty miserable company! Just last week we found out that the mother of our god daughter is pregnant again. Our god daughter isn't even 1 yet. Apparently they got caught out! Thanks for telling us that then... You weren't even trying. Great. We've been waiting for an appointment with the consultant to discuss next steps. We had to chase it and finally have it tomorrow. It'll be good to find out a bit more about what the process is when using frozen embryos so that we can decide when to start again. It'll probably be the new year. I'd like a relaxing, drug free Christmas!

BFN

Emotions are weird. Having already been in this siutation once before I thought I knew exactly how I would feel if I were in the same position again. But it's effected me completely differently. For 5 days before the test I was feeling premenstrual. In fact, on the Sunday before the test I woke up feeling really low indeed and I think that I subconsciously knew at that point that it wasn't going to happen. On Wednesday night, we both slept really badly in anticipation of the test. I also slept really badly as I had really bad period pain all night. Early Thursday morning we did the test - a very clear BFN. It just felt like confirmation of what I already knew. My other half went off to work and called me when he got there. I forced back the tears, adamant that I wouldn't cry before going to work. Shortly afterwards I got my period so it left us in no doubt at all. I sent out a stream of text and email messages to close friends and family to let them know. Wanted to get it all out there as quickly as possible. I had told work colleagues that the test was at the weekend so they suspected nothing and I went about the day as usual. It made it much easier pretending that nothing was different. I was feeling weirdly upbeat. I couldn't understand why. I could only put it down to knowing the outcome - very clearly - unlike last time when we were unsure for a few days. It was a relief to know one way or another. That night we went out for dinner and raised a glass to us and our future. My Facebook status was vague but made the situation clear to colleagues. They were kind and sympathetic on Friday. The weekend was really busy and so it was brave faces all round. Sunday we had a lazy day together and then coming back to work on Monday felt like a real anticlimax to the last few months. I felt pretty low all week. Thursday night I cut my finger badly and had to head to A&E. It was a distraction from what was going on and I felt a lot chirpier today. I'm not really very in touch with my emotions. They can sneak up on me. I'm still wondering when I'm actually going to shed any tears over this disappointment. We're now waiting for an appointment with the consultant to discuss the next round and what the process involves when using frozen embryos.

Symptoms

A couple more symptoms to mention from the 2WW: Constipation! The Cyclogest pessaries kept me VERY regular last cycle but this time I have definitely been a bit constipated instead. Also, on one day during the last week I noticed a very small amount of blood on the loo roll after having a wee. It was odd, more like a very small cluster of red fibres rather than blood. I didn't pay attention to what colour underwear I was wearing that day mind you! Fingers crossed for tomorrow! My gut says that I'm not pregnant but my heart is still hopeful.