Glowing, discomfort and 4D scan!

So everyone keeps telling me how great I look which is lovely! I've got a very neat bump so far and haven't really gained weight anywhere else, other than my boobs, which I keep getting told are huge! It might be partly my summer tan but I have to agree that when I look in the mirror I see a much healthier, shinier haired, brighter eyed version of myself :) My back pain seemed to have got better over the weekend and at the beginning of last week and I couldn't work out exactly which of my different strategies had helped it. I've been lying on my back in an Alexander Technique pose for 20 minutes a day, my OH has been giving me a brief massage each day and I'd been taking the magnesium citrate supplement recommended by my yoga teacher more regularly. As well as my back being a bit better, I've also had very loose bowels! I'd also stopped gaining weight and even lost a couple of pounds in a week. I remembered reading something about magnesium citrate sometimes being given as a laxative and so I stopped taking it for a couple of days. My bowels improved and my back got worse! Great. So now I've started taking a lower dose of the magnesium and I'll gradually build it up to see what happens. I was taking 200mg in the morning and another 100mg at night. I'm now taking 100mg in the morning and another 100mg just after lunch. I went back to the oocupational health physio for a follow up this week. She didn't give any further advice but she has referred me to an obs/gynae physio who helps pregnant women with ligament problems. I'm waiting for an appointment now. In the meantime the back pain has been a bit of a struggle at work this week. It's exhausting and by the time I get home from work I just want to lie on my back for the rest of the evening. But I know that lying on my back isn't good for the baby at this stage of the pregnancy. It's tough keeping comfortable. The heartburn has been pretty unpleasant too and that's worse if I'm lying down! I can't really win at the moment. I've had a couple of odd pregnancy symptoms. Every now and again I can hear by heartbeat in my left ear really loudly. It's usually just after I've exerted myself a little bit. I guess it's due to increased blood flow. Another one is that occasionally I get a dull ache/twinge very low down in my uterus. It's pretty uncomfortable but it doesn't last long. I asked my sister-in-law if she had it in her pregnancies and she said yes, and it gets more frequent as the baby gets bigger! Sleeping is getting more difficult. I'm conscious that I'm not sleeping solidly and I'm still waking up around 6am every day. So, all in all I'm experiencing the discomfort that you hear pregnant women complaining about in later pregnancy. The constancy of it is pretty tiring. On the plus side, we had a 4d scan this morning! They confirmed that we're definitely having a girl :) She wasn't being entirely cooperative though. She was curled up and her hands and feet were in front of her face so it was a little tricky getting some good pictures, but we got a few!

The debate has begun as to where the family resemblances lie. My Mum thinks she has her family's nose, one sister in law thinks she has my OHs nose and the other sister in law thinks she has my mouth. Only time will tell. As she still has 13 weeks of growing to do and she's currently under water, she will no doubt look a little different by the time she's born! But it's lovely to have a little face in my mind now :)

Fear and pain

I've had a slightly shitty week. The back pain has been pretty bad. Had a bad day at work with it on Monday and then tried a lumbar support on Tuesday morning which intensified the pain so much that I thought I was losing my mind and had to leave work early. My OH booked me in to see an acupuncturist on Thursday evening. She was very good and spent quite a lot of time looking at my back trying to find out the source of the pain. She suggested some things to try and did some cupping and put in some needles. My back was so tense that it pushed the needled out! I've come to the conclusion that the pain is being caused by a combination of the scoliosis that I've always had and extra pressure on my back due to carrying the bump. I'm getting to know the ways that relieve it but it's still exhausting to sit for any period of time. I've been feeling generally a bit more anxious and overwhelmed about things in the last week. Time seems to be flying by all of a sudden and I suddently felt the need to get organised with my hospital bag list, birth plan and understanding labour. I've started frantically reading up and taking loads of notes! I wish our antenatal classes were starting sooner than September. I've been reading about Braxton Hicks and I'm wondering if I've had a few of these already. There have been a couple of times where my abdomen has tensed up and reached a kind of peak around my belly button. I thought that it was the baby pushing out and tensing at the time but now I wonder... It wasn't painful at all, just a different sensation. I went to yoga on Wednesday night and the teacher really worried me. We were talking as a group about fears of birth and she asked if we had any stories and I mentioned that my mum had two very long labours. She pulled me aside afterwards and said that I'm likely to have difficulties too. I was feeling positive about the birth and she made me anxious. I felt like she was making a rash judgement on very little information. She said that it's likely that my Mum had a pelvic imbalance that stopped the baby finding the right position and she recommended that I have cranial sacral therapy but didn't really explain how this would help other than that it would release tension in my skull, spine and pelvis that might have been there since birth... My mum has made a drama of her birth experiences my whole life and it really scared me when I was younger, but as I've got more knowledgable I've become less fearful so it was horrible to go back a step! I know that I have to take what my yoga teacher said with a pinch of salt but she is a doula with a lot of experience and so I also feel that I should give her some credit too and consider what she suggests. I felt pretty pissed off and stressed last night that what is supposed to be making me feel more confident and positive about labour had left me anxious and confused. But having thought it through logically this morning, and having talked to my OH and sister in law I have gained some perspective. My mum gave birth 40 years ago for fucks sake. She was probably on her back the whole time, I don't think she had anyone with her (my Dad was watching the cricket!) and I doubt that she was very well informed about the process of labour. Although she speaks of being in labour for 5 days with my sister, I don't know how much of this was pre-labour, early-labour or active labour. I know that my experience will be completely different from hers anyway. And if I do run into difficulties I will be in the right place, I'm happy for the medical staff to intervene and help me if it's needed. *sigh* On a positive note, we saw the midwife on Tuesday morning for our 25 week check. She is happy with everything and the baby's heartbeat is strong and in the right range. Also, I chatted to a few more people at the yoga class. One of the girls that I was paired up with is called Antonia! To my OH this is the third sign that it's the right name! We haven't committed 100% yet though. I discovered that some of the other girls who are as pregnant as me or more so aren't as prepared as we are with buying stuff. And one girl is 39 weeks pregnant and is only doing her birth plan next week! I couldn't cope with that! She does seem extremely relaxed about everything though.

Update

Lots to mention since my last post: 1. My body is being prepared for earlier mornings - I'm waking up at around 5:55am every morning. Weird. 2. We've been getting the nursery a bit more ready by putting up some wall decals. It's looking really cute :) We've been leaving the door open so we can have a peek whenever we walk past.

3. I've been a little bit snippy to my OH recently, which he was none too pleased about... I really don't mean to be. The weather has been getting warmer and I've been getting a bit impatient and cranky. Oops. 4. We went on our last child-free holiday, our babymoon, last week. We spent a week on an island in Croatia. It was bliss. Really chilled. I only spent one day site seeing and I really struggled in the heat. Otherwise we took it really easy. It was great to have the time to wallow together in our happiness about the baby, and sit together every afternoon watching her wiggle :) We bought a cute monkey for her too.

5. We've been really struggling with names up until now. We had a couple of possibles (Cerys and Elsa) but nothing that we have felt really strongly about. The were some other names that we like but that are already too popular (Ava and Isla). On our journey to Croatia my OH had a name pop into his head (Antonia, with Toni as a pet name). We both liked it and and played with it for a few days. Then we went on a day trip to Dubrovnik and bought a little wooden bee for the nursery from a stall-holder. She told me that I had to name it and I asked her what she would name it. And she said Tony because her son is called Antonio. Weird! So this one seems to be sticking more than any others. We're going to wait until she's born before making any final decision though. And I don't want to share this idea with anyone. People have such strong opinions, I don't want to be influenced.

6. I suffered quite badly with acid reflux on holiday. A couple of times I woke up choking on it which was awful. I think it was probably eating so late in the day. It's been much better since we got home. Certain things definitely trigger it though: chocolate (boo!), the green tea that I drink, mint and bending over. 7. The back pain is ongoing... I had a workstation assessment at work just before we went on holiday (I'm now using a different chair and my monitor has been moved) and met with a physio (who has given me some stretches to try). I was really hoping that a break from work would help too but I suffered a little bit on holiday during the rare times I was sitting (rather than walking or lying) and now I'm back at work it's come back again just as bad as before. I forgot to take the magnesium supplements while I was away so I need to start popping those again. Looking forward to getting back to the yoga class tomorrow night for a bit of relief. I'm really hoping that, just like so many symptoms with this pregnancy, that this will be a temporary problem.

Belly movements!

I saw my belly move for the first time this week! So exciting :) I'd just got back from my first pregnancy yoga class which was really nice. Really chilled, plenty of time for chat and to get to know the other mums to be. Looking forward to the next class. I got home and was just sitting on the sofa on my own and then felt the baby moving. I was stroking my belly and saying hello and there is was, a little bounce! So cool. We're both obsessed with seeing it now! She is moving a lot more generally. I used to notice it about three times a day but now it's all through the day, on and off. Love it! On the down side, I've had a lot of aches and pains lately. I've had some sciatic pain which is really annoying but worse than that is an almost constant pain across my back, just under my shoulder blade. It's most noticeable when I'm sitting, which is almost all day at work! I've tried doing some things to change my position a bit at my desk but the only thing that seems to help is keeping moving, which is petty tricky in my job. At home, I've taken to lying on the sofa instead of sitting whenever I can. The pain has been getting me down and I really want to find a solution but I don't really know what's causing it. I have a mild scoliosis which may be part of the problem and why I'm only feeling it on one side. It doesn't usually bother me but the pregnancy and my ligaments stretching could be the issue. I spoke to my yoga teacher about it and she recommended taking a magnesium citrate supplement. Apparently this type of magenesium is absorbed really easily and, amongst other things, can really help muscles relax. One of the other girls in the class had found that it's really helped her back pain. I'm getting pretty desperate so I've paid £20 for a 30 day supply (!) online and can't wait for them to arrive! I have an appointment with a physio through my job's occupational health service next Friday so hopefully that will be of some use too. Another thing to mention from recent weeks is that I've noticed my OH's provider instinct coming out - big time! He's all about increasing his income and working his ass off at the moment. He always works hard but he's stepped it up a notch :) I want to reduce my hours from full time to three days when I return from maternity leave and my boss doesn't think this will be a problem at all which is great. My Mum is very keen to provide childcare and is happy to cover the three days which is also fab! We've spoken to her about money and she doesn't want paying but we plan to give her the child benefit which we will get which is £20 a week. It feels mean, but that's what she's happy with. On the plus side, my OH gets long school holidays so she will too!

Life is good!

Everything has been ticking along really well. Other than heartburn I've been feeling really good. Slowly getting bigger. Slowly buying more maternity clothes! I went shopping for a bikini recently for our upcoming holiday which was a bit challenging as my boobs have got so big that the styles that I would usually go for were off the list! On the 16th it was Father's Day, which is usually a tough day for me as I lost my Dad ten years ago. A work colleague suggested that I could buy my OH a gift which sounded like a lovely idea. So I bought a book for us to read to the baby and a card. He was really touched.

On Wednesday we had the 20 week scan! We were so excited for it. Desperate to find out the sex so that we can start visualising the baby more and for the practical reasons like choosing names and buying stuff! The scan went really well. The nurse was a grumpy so-and-so but she told us what she was looking at as she moved around the baby and confirmed that everything was fine :) The detail of the spine, and in particular the details of the heart, were amazing. We could see the four chambers and the valves moving. Incredible. And then the exciting bit - finding out the sex. We got a clear shot between the legs from underneath and there were three little lines and no bulge indicating a girl! The nurse wouldn't confirm 100% but said it was 90%. It's weird, I thought there would be a big "Aaah, it's girl" or "Aaah, it's a boy" moment, but I guess as we both completely didn't mind either way it was just really nice to know :) Despite drinking a bottle of Coke before hand she was feeling pretty lazy! She was lying with her back to us and didn't want to cooperate with having her picture taken! The nurse kept nudging her to try and make her move but she wasn't interested. So it was a little tricky to get a clear profile shot. The two that we got look so different. In the first she definitely has my OH's nose, but in the second she looks like a sea creature!

We saw the doctor after the scan and she was lovely. She said that as it's an IVF baby we can have two more scans if we like. There is no clinical reason why they are needed as everything is normal but if we would like the reassurance then the offer is there. They would be at 28 weeks and 34 weeks. We said yes, as why not?? It'll be lovely to see her continue to grow and to be sure that everything is going well in there. I feel like we've earned it :) It was a beautiful day and we walked home eating ice cream on a high. We had already previously discussed having a 4d scan done as well if the sex was unclear but even though it's pretty clear we've decided to go for a 4d scan anyway. It's quite expensive (£119) but this may well be our only baby and so why the hell not! It'll be incredible to see her in even more detail. We have to wait a little while as apparently it's better when the baby has put on a bit of fat, so we're booked in for the 4th August. The 20th was my 39th birthday - so it was lovely to still be buzzing from the scan. I had lunch with my Mum and then we went shopping. She bought us a moses basket and stand and I bought a couple of cute girly clothes :)

Unfortunately I got some really sad news though. I heard that a former colleague had passed away. She was still young (late 40's I think), a truly lovely person, happily married with a close family. She had a heart attack. Such sad news. I also heard that a friend was has just started IVF has had an unsuccessful first attempt. The eggs that were collected didn't fertilise. She must be really devastated to have got that far and not have an embryo. Both events made me feel so lucky that we are all well and that we have got this far.

Loving it!

The daily movements are soooo LOVELY! It makes me so happy to feel this little one squirming around! At just 18 weeks and 3 days my OH got to feel the baby move too! We were lying on the sofa together and suddenly I felt what could only be a kick. I had my hand on my belly at the time and grabbed my OH's hand to feel it too. The baby responded with a couple more good efforts and he felt it :) We were both in shock as it seems so early for that! I read that the thickness of your abdominal wall will play a part and as I'm not a big girl it makes sense that we would feel it earlier on. He was in shock! It hasn't happened against since though. I've been feeling lots of different things, less of the flips and more of the bubbles and flutters that I heard about before. But nothing as aggressive as that time! It was as if the baby knew that we were both there and wanted to say "hey, yep, I'm really in here!" Amazing. Whenever I feel it now, I feel like I have an amazing secret :) One more week til the scan and hopefully finding out the sex! We can't wait. I'm planning on having a little bit of sugar before hand to encourage the baby to be moving around!

18 weeks and flipping!

The time is flying! I can't believe it's only 2 more weeks and we're half way! I'm definitely looking pregnant now, not just chubby :) I knew that I might start feeling the baby move and it started about a week ago which is really early for a first pregnancy. At first, I didn't realise that that is was what I was feeling. Everyone describes it as flutters and bubbles, but for me if feels like flips and rolls. Kind of like when you are on a rollercoaster and your stomach flips, but not as intense as that! I read a quote somewhere from someone who was feeling the same thing and didn't realise it was the baby, so that confirmed it for me that it was the baby that I'm feeling. Now I'm feeling it most days and I love it. I really look forward to the next flip :) It usually happens in the mornings but a couple of nights ago it actually woke me up! I woke up thinking "ouch, what the hell...ohhhhh!!" :) I've definitely started to pee more regularly again too. Almost hourly, and often I don't actually go very much when I get there. My mother-in-law sent us a really cute, non-gender-specific, going home outfit that she knitted. It looks like a long hoody but it's actually like a little sleeping bag, and the scarf is so cute. Apparently that's the bit that makes it British...? We love it. Can't wait to get our little new born into it for the journey home. Our pile of baby stuff in the nursery is growing... we've added a cot mattress and a car seat to this picture now too. So everything is ticking along very well on the baby front. Except one of the things I've noticed is how people react so differently to the news and how often people don't react how you expect them to. One of my closest friends hasn't asked me anything about the pregnancy or how it's going. I know that she's not overly interested in talking about kids or spending time with kids and I'm certainly not interested in talking about it for hours on end but it's odd that it just doesn't come up. There is some tricky stuff going on with our friendship anyway and I'm concerned that partly due to those issues and partly due to the bump, that we might drift apart. We've been friends for over 20 years and it makes me really sad that this might happen. I'll certainly be doing everything in my power to keep our friendship going strong, but it takes two. I hope I'm wrong to be thinking this way.